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50+ Stand Up Comedy Jokes About Teachers

Hey there, fellow pupil!

Ready for a class in hilarity?

Buckle up because we’re about to bring you 50+ rib-tickling stand up comedy jokes about teachers.

From their funny quirks, teacher pet peeves, and their unique teaching styles, we’ve got it all covered.

Whether you’re a straight-A student or a class clown, these jokes will surely make you roll on the floor laughing.

So sit back, relax, and get ready to be schooled in the art of comedy!

Stand Up Comedy Jokes About Teachers

I had a math teacher who was so boring, even the numbers fell asleep in class.

Why did the science teacher break up with the history teacher? They had irreconcilable views on what came first, the chicken or the egg.

I had an English teacher who always handed out assignments in alphabetical order. I changed my name to Applebee to avoid last-minute cramming.

Why did the geography teacher get lost on the way to class? Because he couldn’t find his way out of a paper map.

I had a gym teacher who used to make us run laps in the snow. He was so strict, he once made a snowman do push-ups.

Why did the physics teacher donate her skeleton to science? She wanted to finally know what it felt like to be weightless.

I had a history teacher who had a different outfit for every era. She was like a time traveler with a sense of fashion.

Why did the art teacher ask the students to draw a fruit basket? Because he wanted to see who could draw the best pair.

I had a drama teacher who always assigned roles based on our zodiac signs. I was always cast as the supporting character because apparently, Scorpios are better in the background.

Why did the music teacher cross the road? To get to the other side of the sheet music.

I had a home economics teacher who taught us how to cook the perfect meal in under 10 minutes. We all ended up ordering takeout.

Why did the biology teacher faint during the dissection? She got too caught up in the veins.

I had an economics teacher who always took the class out for a fancy dinner whenever we learned about supply and demand. It was like dinner and a lesson in steak-onomics.

Why did the math teacher always wear a calculator watch? He wanted to be prepared in case there was a last-minute math emergency.

I had a Spanish teacher who spoke so fast, I thought I was listening to an auctioneer selling tacos.

Why did the chemistry teacher always keep a first-aid kit in his lab? Because he liked to experiment with volatile reactions.

I had a social studies teacher who taught us how to be global citizens. We all left the class with a newfound appreciation for exotic vacations and Instagram filters.

Why did the technology teacher become a plumber? He wanted to teach his students how to unclog the internet.

I had a drama teacher who always encouraged us to dig deep into our emotions. I ended up crying every time we rehearsed the monologue from The Lion King.

Why did the substitute teacher always carry a bell? She was convinced that if we rang it once, we’d magically turn into well-behaved angels.

My math teacher always used to say ‘show your work’, but she never showed her work for how she calculated our grades.

I had a history teacher who was so old, he was actually around to witness some of the events we were studying.

Why did the English teacher break up with the science teacher? They couldn’t find a chemistry between them.

Have you ever noticed that gym teachers always seem to be in the best shape, but the home ec teachers are always baking cookies?

My science teacher once told us that air has mass. I was like, ‘Oh, great, now I have to count calories in my breathing.’

I had a PE teacher who was so intense, we actually did more exercise in detention than in class.

Why did the teacher take the ladder to school? To reach the high notes in the music class.

There’s a reason they call it ‘history’ class – it’s always in the past and no one cares about it anymore.

My law teacher always had a funny way of teaching us about contracts. He’d say, ‘If you want to get out of a contract, just marry them first.’

I had a geography teacher who was so strict, she wouldn’t let us use Google Maps. She preferred to use her old, tattered globe instead.

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to class? Because his students were so bright.

I once asked my biology teacher if we could dissect a Kardashian. She said no, because there wasn’t enough silicone to cut through.

My band teacher once told me to ‘blow harder’ on my clarinet. I don’t think that’s appropriate language for school.

I had an art teacher who was so bad, she couldn’t even draw a straight line with a ruler. She called it ‘abstract art’.

Why did the teacher jump out of the window? To show his students that gravity is real and always works.

I had a physics teacher who always made us do experiments with eggs. I think he was secretly trying to become a successful egg farmer.

Why did the teacher bring a ladder to class? To teach his students about the importance of reaching new heights.

My history teacher was so boring, she could make the most exciting events seem like they happened in slow motion.

I once asked my chemistry teacher if we could make explosives in class. She said ‘No’ – apparently the custodial staff didn’t appreciate having to clean up after us.

Why did the math teacher go on a diet? To cut down on pi.

Up to You!

So, congratulations!

You’ve made it to the end of these 50+ stand-up comedy jokes about teachers!

We hope you’ve had some laughs and been reminded of the hilarious quirks and faux-pas of your own teachers.

Remember, they’re just human too, and sometimes they even make better punch lines than they do lesson plans.

Just don’t try any of these jokes in the classroom unless you’re REALLY sure your teacher has a good sense of humor.

Thanks for being a great audience, and keep on laughing!

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