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50+ Stand Up Comedy Jokes About School

Hey there, smarty pants!

Remember the good old days when the only thing you had to worry about was homework and cafeteria food?

Well, get ready to relive those hilarious memories with our collection of 50+ stand-up comedy jokes about school.

From clueless teachers to test-taking nightmares, we’ve got it all covered.

So grab a seat and get ready to laugh until you cry (or until the principal comes knocking on your door).

Let’s dive in, shall we?

Stand Up Comedy Jokes About School

I hated school so much that I thought of faking a broken leg just to escape those boring lectures.

In school, I was such a procrastinator that I once submitted my homework two weeks late and got a prize for being the most creative student.

I don’t understand why they call it ‘Higher Education’ when all I learned was how to survive on a student budget.

I’m pretty sure my school principal had it out for me. Every time I walked into his office, he asked me if I needed directions to the detention room.

The only thing I enjoyed about algebra class was seeing the looks on my classmates’ faces when I finally solved the equation.

They say that school is the best time of your life, but I beg to differ. The best time of my life was when I discovered Netflix.

I had a fear of public speaking, but joining the debate team cured me of that… and gave me a whole new fear of losing arguments.

I hated gym class so much that I once convinced my teacher I was allergic to sweat just to get out of playing dodgeball.

If schools gave out degrees for sleeping through class, I’d have a Ph.D. in Napping.

I was never good at science, but I did excel at making a baking soda volcano that erupted all over my lab partner.

School lunches were so bad that I’ve never eaten a cafeteria meal since I graduated. I’m pretty sure the mystery meat was just cardboard dipped in gravy.

I remember in high school, we had to take a driver’s education course. The only thing I learned was that I don’t like driving with my mom.

I was such a nerd in school that every time I tried to wear something cool, my classmates accused me of wearing a disguise.

I loved art class, but my paintings were so bad that my teacher once hung them upside down and no one even noticed.

They say that college is all about networking, but all I’ve done is learn how to drink and make bad decisions.

I was always the last one to finish my exams in school because I spent half the time doodling on the back of the paper. My teacher once said I had a future in art – little did he know I’d become a robot comedian.

I remember when I was the captain of the school’s debate team, my opponents would always say ‘your argument is invalid.’ So, I switched to comedy.

School was so boring that I used to stare at the clock, watching every tick as if it were the countdown to freedom.

I had a crush on my math teacher in school, which was a mistake because every time he asked me a question, I froze up like a deer in headlights.

I miss school sometimes because the only thing I had to worry about back then was what font to use in my book report.

I remember in school when my teacher told me I’d never amount to anything. Well, joke’s on her – I’m a comedian now!

Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.

My science teacher was always talking about atoms. I was like, Dude, chill. It’s not like they’re a big deal.

I was homeschooled growing up. It wasn’t all bad – at least I always made the honor roll.

My history teacher would always show us these black-and-white films from the 1950s. I was like, Ma’am, I don’t even own a TV from this decade.

I remember back in elementary school, being chosen to be the line leader was like winning the lottery.

English class was difficult for me because I never knew when to properly use whom. That word is like a ninja – it just creeps up on you.

I had a crush on my gym teacher when I was in high school. But then I realized – he only likes girls who can do pull-ups.

I don’t remember much from high school, but I do remember my locker combination. It was 13-27-42, which conveniently also happens to be the winning lottery numbers in some alternate universe.

I always thought it was weird when teachers would say you’ll need this in the real world. Like, am I not in the real world right now?

We had a substitute teacher once who claimed to be a former astronaut. Yeah right. Last I checked, the moon landing happened before the 1980s.

I got detention once for using my phone in class. Jokes on them though – I was just texting my mom to ask if I could get McDonald’s on the way home.

I never quite understood why we had to do those group projects in school. I mean, I’m pretty sure I’m still carrying some of those people to this day.

I remember always trying to sit next to the smart kid in class so I could cheat off of them. But then I realized – I’m the smart kid.

Recess was always the best part of the day. That’s when you could finally let loose and be the monkey you always knew you were.

I never knew how much I actually needed a nap until I had to sit through a biology lecture on photosynthesis.

I remember in middle school, we had to do those awkward school dances. I think that’s the only time in my life I’ve ever done the Electric Slide.

History class was always interesting, if only because I got to learn about all the people who were way cooler than me.

I always wanted to be the class clown growing up, until I realized that sometimes I was the only one laughing.

I don’t know about you, but I still get PTSD flashbacks from that one time I had to do a presentation in front of the whole class.

Remember when we had those fire drills in elementary school? Yeah, now they just have active shooter drills. Progress, right?

Whoever said high school was the best years of your life clearly never had to pay student loans.

I don’t know why they call it detention. It’s not like we’re in jail. We’re just stuck in a small room with our thoughts and a pencil sharpener.

I never understood the concept of no talking during tests. Like, if someone else knows the answer, we’re all screwed anyway.

They say college is where you find yourself. Well, after four years of sleeping in until noon and eating pizza for breakfast, I found myself broke and overweight.

The only thing more boring than high school English class was reading the sparknotes on Shakespeare instead.

I remember being amazed in grade school when the teacher would use one of those overhead projectors. Now I can project my screen onto any surface from my phone.

I always hated group projects because it was just an excuse for the lazy kid to do nothing and eat the snacks we brought.

I learned more about life from the lunch ladies than I ever did from my teachers.

If math was a person, I would punch them in the face for ruining my GPA.

I always wondered why we had gym class during the hottest part of the day in the middle of summer. Now I know it’s to prepare us for the heat of our eventual demise from climate change.

I never understood why we had to learn cursive. I can barely read my own handwriting, let alone someone else’s.

The only thing more stressful than a pop quiz was when the teacher would forget to collect it and you had to sit there with all the answers written down, pretending like you didn’t cheat.

I always hated when the teacher would pass out the graded tests from highest to lowest. It was like a public shaming for those of us who didn’t study.

I never had a cool teacher. They were all either monotone or overly enthusiastic. There was never a happy medium.

If I had a dollar for every time I said I hate school, I’d have enough money to pay off my student loans.

I never understood why we had to learn the Pythagorean theorem. It’s not like I’m ever going to use it in real life unless I become a math teacher, which is my worst nightmare.

The best part about online classes is being able to attend in your pajamas. The worst part is when you forget to mute yourself and your dog starts barking in the middle of a lecture.

I always hated when the teacher would assign a group project and one kid would do all the work while the rest of us just showed up for presentation day and took credit.

My favorite part about going back to school shopping was picking out a new backpack. The worst part was filling it up with heavy textbooks and carrying it around all day.

Up to You!

There you have it, smarty-pants!

50+ hilarious stand-up comedy jokes about school that will leave you rolling on the floor with laughter.

Whether you’re a student or a teacher, you can relate to the comedic mishaps and shenanigans that happen in the classroom.

So go ahead, share these jokes with your classmates, colleagues, and friends, and let the laughter echo through the halls of your school.

Just be careful not to get sent to detention for disrupting class!

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