Hey there, slow and steady reader!
Are you ready to shell-abrate some laughter?
If you’re a fan of dad jokes or just love a good pun, then we’ve got something special for you.
Get your flippers ready, because we’ve compiled a list of 50+ hilarious jokes about turtles that’ll have you cracking up like a shell.
These jokes are perfect for those just looking to test the waters or for seasoned jokesters who want to tortoise themselves as the ultimate funny guy or gal.
So, let’s get this show on the road or should we say, on the shell?
Jokes About Turtles
Why did the turtle go to the alpaca farm? To shell-ebrate!
What do you call a turtle that’s constantly taking selfies? A Shellfie!
What’s a turtle’s favorite martial art? Shell-fu!
Why don’t turtles ever get into heated arguments? They’re very shellf-controlled.
What do you call a turtle that goes on a diet? A slimy slim-shell.
What’s a turtle’s favorite pickup line? What’s shelln’?
Why do turtles hate riding in cars? They shell-n’t handle the speed.
Did you hear about the turtle that got mugged? He was robbed of his shell-festeem.
How do you make a turtle float? Add two scoops of ice cream and some root beer. It will outlive all other floats.
What do you call a turtle that’s always hiding? Shell-f-hiding.
Why don’t turtles ever commit crimes? They’re too scared of shell-itary confinement.
What do you call a group of turtles that sing together? A shell-ebrity choir.
Why do turtles always win at poker? They have an excellent poker shell-face.
What do you call a turtle that’s friends with a rabbit? A shell-mate.
Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station.
Why do turtles take so long to get up in the morning? They have a shell-cular lifestyle.
What did the turtle say to its partner in a slow dance competition? I hope you shell-enjoy this.
Why do turtles always wear suspenders? To hold up their shellfy shorts.
What’s a turtle’s favorite movie? The Shell-lion Dollar Turtle.
Why don’t turtles ever become astronauts? They’re too comfortable with earth’s shell-gravity.
Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station!
What do you call a turtle that’s a good singer? A slow jammer!
What does a turtle say when he eats a salad? Lettuce eat in peace!
How do turtles communicate with each other? By using shell phones!
Why don’t turtles share their food? Because they’re shellfish!
Why did the turtle go to school? To become a tutor-turtle!
What do you call a turtle that flies? A super shell-icopter!
Why did the turtle paint his shell red? To hide in a cherry tree!
Why did the turtle cross the beach? To get to the shell phone store!
Why was the turtle always late for dinner? Because he took things slow!
What do turtles drive? A shell-right!
How do you know if a turtle is bad at water sports? He never makes a splash!
What do turtles use to communicate underwater? Turtle-bubbles!
What do turtles say to each other when they’re trying to be funny? I’m not lion, I’m a turtle!
What do you call a turtle that can solve a rubix cube? A terrapin genius!
Why did the turtle join the circus? To become the shell-ebrity of the show!
What do you get when you cross a turtle and an apple? A slow-baked pie!
What did the turtle say to the rabbit? Slow and steady wins the race!
Why did the turtle start a band? To play slow rock music!
How do you make a turtle smile? Tell a good shell joke!
Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to his Shell-ebration party on the other side!
What did the turtle say when he was offered a piece of lettuce? Lettuce head to the buffet!
Why don’t turtles share their food? Because they believe in shell-fishness!
Why did the turtle go to the dentist? To get his turtle-teeth cleaned and his turtle-braces adjusted!
What do you call a turtle who has taken up yoga? A slow and steady yogini!
Why was the turtle sent to space exploration? To discover new planets and asteroids!
Why was a turtle invited to watch the boxing match? Because he’s an expert in shell defense!
What did the turtle say to the other turtle who lost his shell? Not a problem, I heard the market is offering some great shell-ection lately!
What is a turtle’s favorite book? The Tortoise and the Hare – A Story of Conquest!
What did the turtle say to the snail who wanted to race him? Sorry, buddy, I’ll catch up with you next year!
What do you call a turtle who creates art? A Shellebrity Picasso!
Did you hear about the turtle who decided to take up writing novels? He’s been working on his latest shell-abrated novel for over a decade now!
Why was the turtle thrown out of the strip club? Because he was too shell-f-conscious to take off his shell!
How does a turtle prepare for his swimming competition? By turtle-y exploring new techniques and employing an army of trainers!
What do you call a turtle who opens a bakery? A Shellebrity Bakery!
Why was the turtle named the employee of the month? Because he was always the first one to shell-up for work!
Why was the turtle considered so reliable? Because he has an impeccable shell-phone etiquette!
What’s a turtle’s favorite game? Slow and Steady Maze Runner!
Why was the turtle voted the most likable animal in the forest? Because he has a shell-enting personality!
How does a turtle maintain his youthful glow in spite of his age? By adhering to a strict regime of exercise, diet, and shell rejuvenation therapy!
Up to You!
Well done, you made it to the end of 50+ jokes about turtles!
You must be shellebrating right now.
From slow pokes to ninja turtles, you’ve heard them all.
Let’s give a round of applause to our green-shelled friends for being such great joke fodder.
Don’t tell me you didn’t crack up at least a few times.
And if you didn’t, well, maybe you should shell out for a sense of humor.
Remember, when in doubt, just add turtles!
Want to LOL More?
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- 50+ Jokes About Pigs
- 50+ Jokes About Talking Animals
- 50+ Jokes About Invasive Species
- 50+ Kid Friendly Jokes About Farm Animals
- 50+ Jokes About Pandas
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Hey there, I’m Simon, and I started Jokeslide.com to spread joy and laughter. As a 34-year-old who loves humor, I created this website to share funny jokes and mind-bending riddles in a family-friendly environment. Join me in this laughter-filled journey, connect with others, and experience the magic of humor together! 😄🤝