Hey there soccer fan!
Do you know what they say about soccer players?
They have a ball on and off the field!
If you’re ready to kick your humor into high gear, then slip on your cleats and get ready to score big with these 50+ sidesplitting soccer jokes.
From punny one-liners to hilarious athlete anecdotes, this post is sure to have you laughing harder than a goalie with a case of the giggles.
So, what are you waiting for?
Let’s get pun-ishing!
Table of Contents
Jokes About Soccer
Why don’t soccer players do well in school? Because they always try to score instead of getting an education!
What do you call a soccer team made up of chickens? Fowl play.
How do soccer players stay cool during a game? By standing near the fans!
Why was the soccer ball sad? Because it was kicked around all day and never had a chance to goal-lize!
Why are soccer players bad at math? Because they always get a bunch of nil.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score!
Why did the soccer player bring a ladder to the game? Because he wanted to climb the league table!
Why did the soccer ball go to the doctor? Because it was feeling a little flat!
Why did the soccer coach hire a chef? Because he wanted the team to have a good counter-attack strategy.
What do you call a group of soccer players that are all over 6 feet tall? The Tall-ent FC
What do you call a comical soccer game? A-laugh-terrain match.
What’s the difference between a soccer coach and a groom? One trains the winner, and the other wins the trainer!
What’s a soccer player’s favorite thing to do in the summer? Poach Goals
Why don’t bank robbers play soccer? Because they always get caught in the penalty box!
What goes zzub zzub zzub? A bee flying backwards. What goes thwack thwack thwack? A bee flying sideways.
What goes GOAL!? A bee flying out of the net. Why did the soccer team go to outer space? To find the missing half of their team!
Why did the nurse bring a red card to the soccer game? To give the injured player some time off!
Why did the soccer player decide to become a musician? Because he wanted to score more goals!
What do soccer referees and chefs have in common? They both like to dish out yellows and reds!
Why did the soccer player bring a can of soda to the game? In case he wanted to dribble!
What do you call a group of cows playing soccer? Mooooo-nited.
Why did the soccer ball quit his job? He didn’t get a kick out of it.
How did the soccer field get all wet? The players dribbled all over it.
What did the soccer coach say to the broken vending machine? Give me my quarter back!
Why is a soccer stadium the coolest place to be? Because it’s full of fans.
What does a soccer player do when he gets thirsty? He gets a soccer-ade.
Why was the soccer field so hot? Because all the fans left.
Which animals are good at playing soccer? Reptiles because they know how to use their tails.
What do you call a soccer player who always takes a bath? A keeper.
Why did the chicken play soccer? He wanted to score a fowl.
What did the soccer ball say when he was hit in the head? Wow, that was a real header-ache!
What is the favorite soccer team of witches? Witches United!
Why did the soccer players bring string to the game? So they could tie the score!
Why do soccer referees carry cards? In case of fouls play.
What did the soccer coach say to the losing team at halftime? Chin up, or else the mouthguard falls out.
Why do soccer players do well in school? Because they know how to kick it.
What is the favorite food of soccer players? Penalty kicks.
Why was the soccer coach mad at the vending machine? Because it wouldn’t give him his soccer-balls.
How do you know when a soccer game is over? The referee blows his whistle and shouts ‘Time Out!’
What do you call a kid who can’t play soccer? Football proof.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? To tie the score!
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a trampoline and a soccer ball? Nothing. They both like bouncing around a lot.
What do you call a group of soccer players that all have broken legs? A team with a lot of cripple-kicks!
Why was the goalie afraid of the soccer ball? Because it had been filling him with dread.
Why did the goalkeeper switch his soccer ball with a balloon? Because he loved how it was so easy to deflate an opponent’s spirits.
Why do soccer players do well in school? Because they know how to use their heads!
What do you call a soccer player who gets in a fight? A player who can’t kick his aggression properly.
Why did the soccer team invest in a life insurance policy? Just in case they lost one of their best scorers.
How does a soccer player prepare for a game? By going through the motions.
Why did the soccer team hold a pep rally? To score some pre-game spirit.
How do you make a soccer ball laugh? By pulling his foot in.
What did the soccer ball say to his girlfriend when he broke up with her? You’re not in my league!
Why is a soccer ball always so depressed? Because they’re constantly kicked around.
What did the soccer ball say to the field? Dinner’s ready.
Why did the soccer ball decide to take a break? It was tired of being kicked around by all the stiff competition.
Why did the soccer coach go to the bank? She wanted to get her team’s score in order.
What did the soccer player say to the grass? I’ll kick you in the face!
What do you get when you cross a football and soccer player? A sport that nobody wants to watch!
How do short soccer players compete against taller ones? By getting a leg up.
Why did the soccer field hire a private investigator? To look into some suspicious moves on the one-on-one play.
Up to You!
Well, well, well!
You did it, soccer fan!
You survived 50+ jokes about the beautiful game and you’re still standing strong.
We hope you had a blast while reading our pun-tastic post and that you’re chuckling your way to the pitch to show off your new jokes.
Remember, if someone doesn’t laugh, just tell them “it’s a goal-less draw, bro”.
We’ve had a ball putting this together for you, so until next time, keep the laughs coming!
Cheers to the beautiful game and all the comic relief it brings!
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Hey there, I’m Simon, and I started Jokeslide.com to spread joy and laughter. As a 34-year-old who loves humor, I created this website to share funny jokes and mind-bending riddles in a family-friendly environment. Join me in this laughter-filled journey, connect with others, and experience the magic of humor together! 😄🤝