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50+ Jokes About School Nurses

Hey, you!

Are you ready for some side-splitting laughter?

We’ve got 50+ jokes about school nurses that are guaranteed to make you snort and giggle in the middle of class.

From band-aids to thermometers, these jokes cover it all.

So grab a tissue (for those tears of laughter) and get ready for some hilarious school nurse humor.

Let’s dive in!

Jokes About School Nurses

Why did the school nurse declare war on germs? Because she wanted to terminate them!

Why did the nurse wear a bandage around her head? Because she was brain stretching!

Why did the school nurse quit her job? Because she had such a bad temperature!

How does a school nurse console a student? With her Carebear Stethoscope!

Why did the nurse fall asleep in science class? Because she was counting microbes!

Why do school nurses hate staircases? It has too many steps!

How can you tell if a school nurse is tired? When she keeps saying, May I take your temperature?

Why did the school nurse measure the fish in the school tank? For proper gill hygiene!

Why did the school nurse keep a coffee mug by her thermometer? To double check which one makes students hottest and fastest!

Why did the school nurse become a teacher? She wanted to know which students needed her the most.

Can a school nurse be both a doctor and a nurse? Only if she has split personality!

Why did the school nurse hate cold weather? Every student thinks they have a cold!

Why did the school nurse always ask for a second opinion? To see if someone can confirm her diagnosis – that the student is skipping school!

Why did the school nurse sing to students? Because singing is the best medicine!

Why did the school nurse always wear scrubs? So she can easily swap out if somebody spills or sneezes on her uniform!

Why did the school nurse use a black marker when taking a temperature? So it can mark some red X’s!

Why did the school nurse bring a spoon, fork and knife to class? To show that the human body is like a utensil set!

Why did the nurse wear fancy boots and toe socks? To keep her feet warm and cozy when vaccines hurt!

Why did the school nurse bring her dog to work? Because students love pets and love being chased, too!

Why did the school nurse spritz a student’s hair with glitter spray? To keep him infected and in the recovery room from his last sneezing fit!

Why did the school nurse wear a stethoscope to a dance? In case she needed to check the heart rates of any wannabe heartthrobs!

What do you call a school nurse with a sense of humor? An immunocomedian!

What do you get when you cross a school nurse with a snake? Dr. Viper-Medusa!

Why did the school nurse have a no-makeup rule? Because you can’t spell bacteria without beauty!

Why did the school nurse carry a bottle of soda in her first-aid kit? In case any students had a Sprite rash!

Why did the school nurse announce the weather every day? She wanted to give the kids a temperature check!

Why did the school nurse think she was a stand-up comedian? Because she kept telling knee-slapper jokes!

What do you call a school nurse who’s always counting pills? A tattletale-a-meter!

What do you call a school nurse who’s always giving out hats? A cap-illaries!

What do you call a school nurse who’s always performing magic tricks? Dr. Abra-Cadaver!

Why did the school nurse always carry a map with her? To make sure she didn’t get lost in the cough-dor!

Why did the school nurse always carry a hammer with her? To make sure any virus got nailed before it spread!

Why did the school nurse not like math? Because it was too times infection!

Why did the school nurse bark at students instead of talking? She was trying to make sure they didn’t catch a case of the yawns!

Why did the school nurse keep a mirror in her pocket? So she could see if any students had a temperature or not!

What do you call a school nurse who’s always singing? Dr. Hum-a-long!

What do you call a school nurse who keeps a pet rabbit at work? Dr. Sig-Mond Hop!

Why did the school nurse get mad at the school principal? Because he didn’t give her any attention and she just wanted to be palpated!

Why did the school nurse always keep her phone nearby? In case any students needed a Nausea alarm!

What do you call a school nurse who can’t stop dancing? Dr. Boogie Fever!

Why did the school nurse hide under her desk? She wanted to check for lice without anyone noticing.

Why did the school nurse think the ear thermometer was broken? She heard it say, What was that? I can’t hear you!

Why did the school nurse make all the students line up for a check-up? She was trying to break a world record for number of stethoscope uses in one day.

Why did the school nurse mix up the band-aids? She thought it would make for a more exciting game of Guess the Germ.

Why did the school nurse refuse to give out cough drops? She wanted to keep the coughing choir going strong.

Why did the school nurse set up a spa in the nurse’s office? She figured a little pampering would cure any ailment.

Why did the school nurse insist on giving every student a tongue depressor exam? She was secretly training to become a dental assistant.

Why did the school nurse switch to using glitter instead of antiseptic spray? She wanted to make sure every boo-boo sparkled like magic.

Why did the school nurse wear a cape to school every day? She considered herself the hero of the student body.

Why did the school nurse challenge every student to a game of Doctor during recess? She wanted to prove to the other teachers that she was the coolest.

Why did the school nurse carry a portable X-ray machine in her pocket? She never knew when she might need to take a peek at a student’s broken bone, just in case.

Why did the school nurse insist on doling out unlimited refills of water at every visit? She was secretly trying to keep the dentists in business.

Why did the school nurse set up a puppet show in the nurse’s office? She wanted to see if laughter truly is the best medicine.

Why did the school nurse insist on checking every student’s pulse twice? She wanted to make sure she didn’t miss any heart-stopping moments.

Why did the school nurse consult her crystal ball before administering any medicine? She was confident it would lead her to the right choice every time.

Why did the school nurse always have a snack basket on hand? She wanted to make sure no student went hungry while waiting for a check-up.

Why did the school nurse set up a health hazard obstacle course in the nurse’s office? She was practicing for upcoming medical crises, just in case.

Why did the school nurse insist on giving every student a massage during check-ups? She wanted to make sure they were completely relaxed before any tense exams.

Why did the school nurse break out a karaoke machine during flu season? She was convinced that gargling with music was the best way to battle germs.

Why did the school nurse insist on checking every student’s breath for garlic and onions after lunch? She wanted to make sure everyone was happy and well-fed, even if it meant sacrificing a little privacy.

Up to You!

So, there you have it – 50+ hilarious jokes about school nurses!

You might have been a little apprehensive about this topic at first, but now you can’t help but smile at the thought of the nurse’s office.

These jokes prove that school nurses are more than just medical professionals; they’re also comedians in scrubs.

So next time you find yourself cringing at the thought of going to the nurse, just remember – she probably has a joke or two up her sleeve that will make you feel better (or at least make you groan!).

Stay healthy and keep laughing!

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