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50+ Jokes About Pirates

Ahoy there, matey!

Avast ye, it’s time for some pillaging of the funny bone with 50+ jokes about pirates.

With one-eye on the prize and a peg-leg up on the competition, these jokes will have you saying “shiver me timbers” in laughter.

So hoist the Jolly Roger and get ready to walk the plank of punny entertainment, because these jokes are arrrr-mazing.

Whether you’re a seasoned crewmate or a new buccaneer, these jokes are sure to make you say “yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!”

Jokes About Pirates

Why did the pirate quit smoking? Because it was bad for his healthie-hardy-har-har.

What do you call a pirate who likes math? A arrr-gonome-eter.

Why did the pirate fail his driving test? He always went arrr-ound in circles.

What do you call a pirate with a fancy hat? A cap-tain.

Why did the pirate go on vacation? He wanted to get away from all the sea-riousness.

What do you call a pirate who’s really good at typing? A keyboard-arrr-ist.

Why did the pirate buy a parrot? So he could have someone to squawk to.

What do you call a pirate who loves to dance? A swashbuckler.

Why did the pirate ask for a second glass of water? Because he was a-thirsty.

What did the pirate say when he found his treasure map? X marks the swaaag.

What do you call a pirate who’s always telling jokes? A fun-steroid.

What did the pirate say when he saw his prize ship sink? It’s all gone to the bottom of the briny.

What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of cookie? A yar-round cookie.

Why did the pirate go to the dentist? To get his yaaar-teeth.

What do you call a pirate who’s always tapping his foot? A peg-legger.

What did the pirate say when he saw his reflection in the mirror? Arrr, matey, I sure do look a scurvy dog.

Why did the pirate go to the library? To find some booty-ography.

What do you call a pirate who’s really good at math? A pirate-calculator.

Why did the pirate become a comedian? He wanted to always be arrr-laughing.

What did the pirate say when he saw his treasure chest was empty? Shiver me timbers, I’ve been burgled!

Why did the pirate break up with his girlfriend? She was a little too high-maintenance, ARRR!

How much did it cost for a pirate to have his ears pierced? A buccaneer!

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? Rrrrrrrr!

Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs? They prefer to plunder.

What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs? A beginner!

Why did the pirate go to the Apple store? He heard they had a new iPatch!

How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger flag back? He re-masted the situation.

Why did the pirate always have to look at his compass? He had a tendency to veer off course.

What do you call a pirate with a steering wheel attached to his belt? Captain Hook!

How does a pirate keep his ship’s sails safe? He puts them under ARRR-rest!

Why was the pirate so bad at cooking? He always used too much salt and sea.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? I’m matey!

Why did the pirate walk the plank on the first day of his job? He didn’t want to salute the captain.

What did the pirate say when he saw his ship was sinking? Aye, Captain, I see the bottom!

What’s a pirate’s favorite type of music? Heavy ARRRRR-ock.

What did the pirate say when he found his lost treasure? I’m a-wrecked!

Why did the pirate shock the fisherman with the price of his fish? Because it was a lot of booty.

What’s a pirate’s favorite food? Seafood, of course!

Why did the pirate refuse to gamble? He always lost the booty.

How do you know if a pirate is good at algebra? They can solve for X marks the spot!

Why did the pirate go on vacation? He needed to pillage and relax!

How much does it cost for a pirate to pierce his ears? Buccaneer.

Why don’t pirate movies win any awards? Because they always sail under the radar.

What did the pirate say when he saw his parrot had flown away? Arrr! Polly gone!

What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of cookie? Ship-lapjacks.

Why aren’t pirates good at math? They prefer to arrr-gue than multiply.

How do pirates communicate with each other? They use sharp looks and sea-men-speak.

What do you call a pirate who likes to fish? A hook line and sinker!

How do you know if a pirate is honest? He’s always telling the truth, ya scallywag.

What’s a pirate’s favorite subject in school? Aaaaaarithmetic.

How do pirates celebrate Halloween? They carve pumpkins out of ships.

Why can’t pirates swim? Because they always have holes in their boats!

What did the pirate say when someone asked him to solve a problem? I’m just a buccaneer, mate.

What do you call a pirate who’s lost his eye? An arrrr-missing pirate.

Why did the pirate go to the gym? To weigh-anchor before their next pillaging spree.

How do pirates catch up on the latest news? They read the Plunder Times newspaper.

What do you call a pirate’s to-do list? A yarrr day planner.

How do pirates enjoy their favorite kind of music? They listen to aaarrr and b radio!

What’s a pirate’s favorite board game? Batten-down-the-hatches.

What does a pirate say when he’s about to do something risky? All aboard the ship of fools!

Up to You!

Ahoy matey, you’ve reached the end of our plunder of pirate jokes!

From parrots to peg legs, we’ve laughed our way through the high seas of humor.

Whether you’re a swashbuckling pirate or just a landlubber in search of a good laugh, we hope these jokes have made you arrr.’e.

So next time you’re hoisting the Jolly Roger or walking the plank, remember to keep your sense of humor handy.

Because as any good pirate knows, laughter is the best booty.

Now go forth and may your sails always catch a fair breeze and your jokes always bring a hearty arrr.’e!

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