Hey there onion lover!
Are you ready to peel away the layers of laughter with 50+ hilarious jokes about your favorite bulbous veggie?
Whether you like them sautéed, roasted, or raw, these puns and one-liners will make you cry (tears of joy, of course).
So sit back, grab a tissue (for those onion-induced tears), and get ready for some seriously funny onion humor.
Let’s get this party started!
Table of Contents
Jokes About Onions
Why did the onion go to the gym? To get a little onion shape.
Why don’t onions go out on a date? Because they have allium-nating personalities.
How do you make an onion laugh? You tickle its rings!
What’s the best way to make an onion cry? Show it a romantic movie!
What did the onion say to the garlic when they tried to start a band? Sorry pal, I’m the one with the layers.
What’s the difference between an onion and a bagpipe? Nobody cries when you cut up a bagpipe!
What’s the best way to tell if someone is lying about disliking onions? Their story will always have holes in it.
Why do onions make bad detectives? They always seem to miss the shallot.
What do onions and artichokes have in common? They both have layers you need to work through to get to the good stuff!
Why did the onion break up with the garlic? Because they had too many shallot disagreements.
How do you fix a broken onion? You give it an onion ring!
Why did the onion go to therapy? Because it had too many layers of emotion.
What do you call an onion that can fly? A hot air shallot!
What do you call an onion that’s really into martial arts? Chuck Shallot!
Why did the onion refuse to join the gym? It was already in onion shape!
What’s the spiciest thing an onion can do? Make you cry tears of joy.
What’s the most romantic thing an onion has ever done? It gave its sweetheart a bouquet of onion-flavored flowers!
What kind of music do onions like best? They’re big fans of Shallot’s Symphony No. 9.
Why don’t onions like playing hide and seek? Because they’re always getting caught by their layers!
What’s the most ecologically conscious thing an onion can do? Compost itself!
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!
Why did the onion go to the doctor’s office? It was feeling a little saucy!
What did the onion say when it was asked to dance? Lettuce boogie!
Why was the onion happy? Because it had a peel-good factor!
Why did the onion become a comedian? It wanted to make its friends cry with laughter!
How do you know if an onion is rich? It’s always in the shallot!
Why did the onion refuse to go out with the garlic? It thought it was too spicy!
What did the onion say to the tomato at the salad bar? You’re the apple of my eye!
Why did the onion take a job at the circus? It heard they were hiring ringmasters!
Why shouldn’t you tell an onion a secret? Because they’re always getting peeled!
Why did the onion break up with its girlfriend? She was always giving it the cold shoulder!
What did the onion say to the chili pepper? You’re too hot to handle!
Why did the onion refuse to go on a roller coaster? It didn’t want to make anyone cry!
Why did the onion go to work wearing a tutu? It wanted to be a veggie princess!
Why did the onion refuse to play cards with the garlic? It didn’t want to smell of desperation!
Why did the onion go to the dentist? It needed a root canal!
What do you get when you cross an onion with a potato? A French fryer!
Why did the onion go to the gym? It wanted to beef up its biceps!
What did the onion say to the tomato at the party? You’re the life of the party!
Why did the onion wear sunglasses? To avoid the paparazzi!
Why did the onion refuse to go to the party? Because it knew it would be a-peeling to too many people.
How does an onion propose marriage? By saying, Will you let me peel your heart?
What do you call an onion that’s good at telling jokes? A pun-ion.
How do you make an onion laugh? Peel it until it cries.
What do you call a group of bickering onions? Shallot of drama.
Why did the onion get lost? Because it took the shallot way.
Why did the onion break up with the garlic? It said it needed some space.
Why did the onion want to become a boxer? Because it had a lot of layers to fight.
What did the onion say when it got a Christmas present? I’m touched, I never would have expected a wrap gift from you.
Why is the onion the best chef in the kitchen? Because it can slice and dice like nobody’s business.
How does an onion apologize for being rude? It says, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.
Why did the onion get angry with its frien-ds? They were always peeling off.
How do you make an onion sing? Put it into quarters.
What do you need to do to scare an onion? Begin to ask it questions about its layer of secrets.
Why did the onion go to the doctor’s office? Because it had a bad case of the tears.
What do you call an onion that’s always late? A tardy-cum.
What did the onion say to the mushroom at the bar? I don’t really know why they keep calling us a couple. We’re just friends.
How do you make an onion smile? Tell it a joke that’s so funny, it’ll make it cry tears of joy.
Why did the onion start wearing sunglasses? It was trying to avoid the paparazzi.
Why did the onion take a vacation? To peel good about itself.
Up to You!
Well, well, well – looks like you’ve reached the end of the onion joke line!
Whether you laughed, groaned, or just shed a tear (like an onion, get it?), we hope these 50+ cracks had you entertained.
Who knew there were so many ways to make an onion funny?
From puns to one-liners, we’ve peeled back the layers of humor and found some real gems.
Perhaps you’ve even found a new favorite joke to whip out at your next dinner party.
In any case, keep your eyes peeled – who knows what else may crop up on the comedy horizon.
Happy joking!
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Hey there, I’m Simon, and I started Jokeslide.com to spread joy and laughter. As a 34-year-old who loves humor, I created this website to share funny jokes and mind-bending riddles in a family-friendly environment. Join me in this laughter-filled journey, connect with others, and experience the magic of humor together! 😄🤝