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50+ Jokes About Old Testament

Hey there, you!

Are you ready to laugh till you can’t breathe?!

If you think the Old Testament is a book full of serious stories and rigid rules, think again!

We’ve got 50+ hilarious jokes that will have you ROFL your socks off!

From Noah’s Ark to Moses’ commandments, there’s no topic too sacred for us to joke about!

So sit back, relax, and let’s dive into the wacky world of the Old Testament!

Jokes About Old Testament

Why did Adam and Eve never have a date night? Because they already had a forbidden fruit!


What was the only job open in the Garden of Eden? Leaf blowing.


What do you call a man who’s always happy? Job.


Why did Noah need an ark? Because he couldn’t catch fish in the rain.


Which Bible character was the shortest? Nehemiah…he was a cup-bearer.


Why didn’t Moses go to college? Because he was already taught by a bush.


What did Solomon say to the ants? Go to the ant, thou sluggard!


How did King David keep his soldiers in shape? By doing psalms and stretches.


Why did God create Adam first? Because he needed a rough draft before creating Eve.


Why did Cain kill Abel? Because Abel kept correcting his grammar.


Why did Jonah refuse to go to Nineveh? Because he didn’t want anyone to think he was a Jonah-come-lately!


What did Samson say when he lost all his hair? I guess it’s a bad hair day.


Why was Bathsheba a bad tennis player? Because she kept serving under the net.


Why didn’t Adam and Eve have a car? They took the forbidden fruit!


What did Goliath say before he fought David? I’m a head above the rest.


Why did Lot’s wife turn into salt? Because she was worth her salt.


Why was Balaam’s donkey smarter than a typical donkey? Because it could speak in tongues!


Why did Joshua cross the Jordan River? To get to the other tide.


What’s the difference between sin and periodontitis? Only one of them causes gumption.


Why couldn’t the Israelites play hide-and-seek in the wilderness? Because there was no place to hide!


Why did Moses have a hard time organizing a game of hide and seek? Because he kept splitting the Red Sea.


What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!


How did David know his wife was a good cook? The Bible says she made the prophet Samuel’s heart burn.


Why did Jonah skip the gym? He already did a big swim session.


Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.


What do you get when you cross Noah’s Ark and Facebook? You get a boatload of friends.


What do you call a singing prophet? A croon-a-mi.


Why did Ruth go into business? She wanted to run a Moa’s Ark.


How did Joseph manage to get so much done without a cell phone or laptop? He had a Pharaoh’s paper trail.


What did the Ten Commandments say to the other commandments when it was their turn to speak? I’m second to none!


What was Solomon’s favorite meal? He loved peppers and songs! (Proverbs and Psalms).


How many times did Noah have to tell the animals to arrive for boarding? Only once–they were a-coming two by two.


Why did Adam and Eve have to leave the garden of Eden? Because they ate the forbidden fruit and had a terrible case of the first tummy ache.


How do we know that the Bible is true? Because everything in it is in black and white.


Why did Moses bathe before he went up on the mountain? So he wouldn’t be caught with a bad case of the Jordan’s.


What did they call Samson’s haircut? A shear delight!


How did King Solomon feel about trees? He was a big fan of David.


What did the prophet Elijah say when he was stuck in the desert? I’m parched!


How many plagues did it take for Pharaoh to let the Israelites go? A great 10.


If God did stand-up comedy, what book of the Bible would he read from? Job!


Up to You!

Congratulations!

You’ve made it through 50+ jokes about the Old Testament.

We hope you got a good chuckle out of them and that they’ve given you a new appreciation for the lighter side of the Good Book.

Whether you’re a devout follower or just someone looking to brush up on some Bible jokes, we hope you’ve enjoyed our little collection.

Who says the Old Testament has to be all doom and gloom?

With a little humor, even the most solemn stories can become side-splittingly funny.

So go forth, spread some laughter, and remember to always look on the bright side of scripture!


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