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50+ Jokes About Old Cars

Hey there, rev-head!

Are you ready to cruise down memory lane with some classic, vintage car jokes?

Whether you’re a grease monkey, a car enthusiast, or just someone who loves a good laugh, we have got you covered with our hilarious collection of 50+ jokes about old cars.

So buckle up, adjust your mirrors, and get ready to hit the road with these knee-slapping quips and one-liners that will have you honking with laughter.

Whether you’re a fan of antique roadsters, vintage muscle cars, or just crappy old clunkers, we’ve got a joke for every make and model.

So put the pedal to the metal and let’s roll!

Jokes About Old Cars

Why do old cars sound like they’re wheezing? Because they’ve got a lot of miles to cough up!


What do you call a classic car that’s had too much to drink? A hammered sedan!


What do you call a classic car that’s lost its headlights? A dim-witted ride!


Why do old cars always seem to stall out? Because they’re running on fumes!


Why do old cars never seem to have enough trunk space? Because the trunks are always full of rust!


Why did the classic car cross the road? To prove it still had gas left in the tank!


Why do old cars always seem to be missing a hubcap? Because they’re scared to leave the garage without their dentures!


What do you call a classic car that’s had a rough trip? A bumpy ride!


Why do old cars always seem to be falling apart? They’re just retro-fitting!


What do you call a classic car that’s run out of gas? A relic on the side of the road!


Why do old cars always seem to have trouble starting in the cold? Because they’re frozen in time!


What do you call a classic car that’s had way too much horsepower? A speed demon!


Why do old cars always seem to need a trip to the mechanic? Because they’re just classics in the waiting room!


What do you call a classic car that’s been hit by a golf ball? A divot-mobile!


Why do old cars always seem like they’ve got a few screws loose? They’re just held together by nostalgia!


What do you call a classic car that’s been used for parts? A junkyard dog!


Why do old cars always seem to be so delicate? Because they’re made of memories!


What do you call a classic car that’s gone off the rails? A wild ride!


Why do old cars always seem to be in need of an alignment? Because they’re struggling to keep up with the times!


What do you call a classic car that’s been driven off a cliff? A classic crash-course!


Why did the old car go to the doctor? It had a bad case of carburetor-itis.


What do you call an old car that still runs well? Grandpa’s wheels.


Why did the old car take up yoga? To improve its flexibility.


How do you know if an old car is a classic? When it’s worth more than it cost new.


What do you call an old car that’s been sitting in a field for 20 years? A rust bucket.


Why did the old car have trouble finding a parking spot? It couldn’t parallel park.


How do you fix an old car that won’t start? Give it a good kick in the tires.


Why did the old car refuse to go on a road trip? It was afraid of breaking down.


How do you make an old car feel young again? Give it a new paint job.


Why did the old car run out of gas? It was too tired to keep going.


What do you call an old car that still works but has no brakes? A rolling death trap.


Why did the old car get pulled over by the police? Its license plate was older than the officer.


How do you know an old car is happy? It’s always rumbling with joy.


Why don’t old cars like driving at night? The headlights are as old as it is.


What’s an old car’s favorite joke? Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!


Why did the old car hate going to the car wash? It didn’t want to lose its vintage look.


What do you call an old car that’s been restored to its former glory? A phoenix on wheels.


How do you know an old car is feeling sick? It’s making weird noises and smoking.


Why did the old car insist on driving everywhere? It didn’t want to be parked in a retirement home.


What do you call an old car that still runs but has no style? A classic jalopy.


Why did the old car refuse to go on a road trip? Because its age was showing โ€“ the hooves of its first horse power still left an imprint on the driveway.


What do you call an old car that won’t start? A wheezy-rider.


Why did the old car refuse to be fixed? Because it had been feeling tired since the Great Depression.


What do you call an old car that always takes the scenic route? A vintage scenic car goer.


Why did the old car refuse to upgrade to GPS? It preferred using its trusty map โ€“ a relic from the 1920s.


What do you call an old car that still has its original radio? A static-mobile.


Why did the old car refuse to drive in the rain? Because it was afraid of getting water damage โ€“ from when it used to wade through deep rivers.


What do you call an old car that always runs out of gas? An antique drain.


Why did the old car refuse to wear seat belts? It preferred its old style โ€“ going air borne in a crash.


What do you call an old car that always breaks down at traffic lights? A classic red light distresser.


Why did the old car refuse to park in a garage? It preferred sleeping under a starry sky โ€“ just like in the old days.


What do you call an old car that always takes long to warm up? A vintage ice chest.


Why did the old car refuse to go fast? It believed in enjoying every moment โ€“ at 25 miles per hour.


What do you call an old car that always loses its hubcaps? A classic spin-off.


Why did the old car refuse to go on hilly roads? It preferred the flat, dusty terrain from its youth.


What do you call an old car that always has a flat tire? A vintage flat-iron.


Why did the old car refuse to stop at gas stations? It preferred its old petrol station โ€“ from the days when the attendants always checked the oil.


What do you call an old car that always steams up in the winter? A classic sauna-mobile.


Why did the old car refuse to go in reverse? It believed in looking forward โ€“ while the rearview mirror held all the memories of past journeys.


What do you call an old car that always gets lost? A classic wanderer.


Up to You!

Well, there you have it, my vintage vehicle-loving friend!

Sixty jokes that have you laughing so hard, you’re about ready to wheeze out some exhaust.

From clunky engines to squeaky brakes, there really is no shortage of comedic material when it comes to old cars.

So whether you’re cruising in your rusted-out jalopy or just dreaming of one day owning a classic ride, always remember to keep a sense of humor about it all.

After all, who needs air conditioning when you’ve got jokes to keep you cool?

Get out there and keep on truckin’!


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