Hey, you!
Are you a fan of The Big Apple or just need a good laugh?
Well, you’re in luck because we’ve got 50+ hilarious jokes about New York that will have you feeling like a local in no time.
From subway struggles to pizza wars, these jokes will leave you laughing harder than a tourist trying to navigate Times Square.
So grab a slice of pie and buckle up, because we’re taking you on a comedic tour of the city that never sleeps.
Get ready to laugh your way from Brooklyn to the Bronx, and everything in between.
Table of Contents
Jokes About New York
How do you know you’re in New York? When people honk at you for walking too slow.
What do you call a New Yorker who’s always in a hurry? A rush-hour person.
Why did the New Yorker break up with their pizza? They said it was too cheesy.
Did you hear about the New Yorker who lost their keys in Central Park? They found them in the Ramble.
How do you make a New Yorker smile? Pay their rent for them.
What do you call a New Yorker who’s always complaining? A grouchy apple.
Why did the New Yorker refuse to eat at the Empire State Building? They said the prices were too high.
How do New Yorkers order their coffee? They just yell coffee at the barista and hope for the best.
What do you call a New Yorker who’s really good at parallel parking? A city slicker.
Why did the New Yorker cross the road? To stop at a food truck.
What do you call a New Yorker who’s really into politics? A Capitol-gain-taxer.
Why do New Yorkers hate traveling? They hate having to explain what a bodega is to people.
What do you call a New Yorker who’s really into sports? A Yankee-doodle-dandy.
Why don’t New Yorkers use umbrellas? They don’t want to look like tourists.
What do you call a New Yorker who’s really into art? A Muse-see.
Why do New Yorkers love bagels? They’re the only round thing in the city.
What do you call a New Yorker who’s always on their phone? A busy signal.
What do you call a New Yorker who’s always in debt? A broke-apple.
Why did the New Yorker ghost their date? They said they were just not that into boroughs.
How do you make a New Yorker laugh? Tell them you’re moving to Jersey.
Why did the pigeon cross the road in New York? To get to the next trash can, of course!
Why do New Yorkers always seem rushed? They’re trying to beat the rats to the subway.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere – just like Times Square!
Why don’t sharks attack New York lawyers? Professional courtesy!
How does a New Yorker change a light bulb? Hey, I’m walkin’ here!
Why don’t they have a Christmas tree in Times Square? They can’t find a place to park the sleigh!
Why is it so hard to find a good comedian in New York? They’re all on Wall Street, telling jokes about derivatives.
Why don’t New Yorkers tell jokes about St. Patrick’s Day? They’re all too busy drinking!
Did you hear about the bank that got robbed in New York? The thief left a note that said Give me all your dirty air!
How do you know you’re in a New Yorker’s apartment? They have more shoes than square footage.
What do you call a New Yorker who’s always running late? A broke person – they can’t afford a cab.
Why do people from New York say the city instead of just saying New York? Because they think they’re the only city that matters.
Why did the New York Yankees adopt the theme song from Star Wars? Because they’re always in a galaxy far, far away from first place.
Have you heard about the new Italian restaurant in New York? They serve the hottest meatballs – they’re so hot, they’re on fire!
Why do all New Yorkers avoid Times Square on New Year’s Eve? It’s so crowded, you can’t walk – you just have to shuffle along with the rest of the herd.
Why don’t they have a football team in New York? Because then they’d have to admit they’re not the center of the universe.
Did you hear about the restaurant that only serves food in subway cars? It’s called The Train Wreck.
How do you get a New Yorker to smile? You don’t – they’re too busy making sure nobody bumps into them on the sidewalk.
Why don’t people from New York ever use turn signals while driving? Because it would give away their next move to the competition.
What do you call a New Yorker who hates pizza? A tourist.
Why did the Statue of Liberty blush? Because it saw a Big Apple.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere—just like some places in New York.
Why do New Yorkers always seem so tense? Because they have to Manhattan-handle the stress.
What is a New Yorker’s favorite kind of sandwich? A Times Square sub.
Why don’t New Yorkers ever fall asleep on the subway? Because if they doze off, they wake up in a different borough.
How do you get street directions in New York? Walk until you see someone who looks like they know where they’re going and follow them.
Why did the New Yorker cross the road? To prove that they can jaywalk with style.
What is a New Yorker’s favorite type of weather? Subway weather—you can always be underground.
Why don’t New Yorkers ever sunbathe at the beach? Because they don’t want to get a tan-jay.
What is a New Yorker’s favorite insect? The cockroach, because it’s the only creature that can survive in a New York apartment.
Why do New Yorkers call the subway the L train? Because that’s how long you have to wait for a train to come.
What’s a New Yorker’s favorite thing to do after work? Complain about their commute.
Why do New Yorkers prefer the city to the countryside? Because they can hail a cab, but they can’t hail a tractor.
How do New Yorkers choose their fruit? By squeezing every apple in the basket.
Why do New Yorkers never get lost on their way to a Broadway show? Because they have a stage-mentality.
What do you get when you cross a New Yorker and a tourist group? A walking traffic jam.
Why did the New Yorker refuse to go to the Statue of Liberty? Because they’ve already seen it on their way to work every day.
How does a New Yorker order their pizza from a food truck? Slice, slice, baby.
What is a New Yorker’s favorite type of cheese? The kind that goes well with a dollar slice.
Why did the New Yorker stop buying designer shoes? Because they kept getting lost in potholes.
Up to You!
Well, there you have it, you big apple-loving jokester!
50+ hilarious cracks about the city that never sleeps.
You’ve laughed, you’ve cringed, and you’ve probably added a few of these jokes to your repertoire.
But let’s be real, no matter how many jokes we make, New York will always be the greatest city in the world.
So keep on laughing, keep on loving, and keep on being a true New Yorker (even if you’re not actually from there).
Until next time, stay funny, stay awesome, and keep on crushing those punchlines!
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Hey there, I’m Simon, and I started Jokeslide.com to spread joy and laughter. As a 34-year-old who loves humor, I created this website to share funny jokes and mind-bending riddles in a family-friendly environment. Join me in this laughter-filled journey, connect with others, and experience the magic of humor together! 😄🤝