Hey, new dad!
Congratulations on entering the world of fatherhood – now get ready for sleepless nights, permanent bags under your eyes, and a ridiculously overpriced stroller.
To help ease the transition, we’ve compiled 50+ jokes about new fathers that will make you laugh, cry, and wonder if you made a terrible mistake.
So sit back, relax (if you can), and prepare to chuckle at the joys and challenges of raising a tiny, adorable human.
Table of Contents
Jokes About New Fathers
Why do new dads make the best comedians? They’re used to being up all night with someone who doesn’t understand their jokes.
Why did the new dad refuse to change any more diapers? He had hit his wipe limit for the day.
What do you call a new dad who’s also a magician? Daddy-o Presto!
Why do new dads always have a few extra pounds? They’re just prepping for the dad bod.
Why was the new dad so worried about his baby’s first steps? He didn’t want them to walk out on him.
Why did the new dad go to the gym? He wanted to be able to carry all the baby gear without getting tired.
Why did the new dad bring a dictionary to the nursery? He wanted to keep up with the baby’s cooing vocabulary.
Why did the new dad wear reading glasses to the baby’s first doctor’s appointment? He wanted to make sure he was reading the growth chart right.
Why was the new dad hesitant to take his baby on a plane? He didn’t want to deal with TSA’s ‘dadin’ restrictions.
Why did the new dad switch from coffee to tea? He wanted to stay calm during the baby’s colic cries.
Why did the new dad join a support group? He needed to vent about the endless sleepless nights.
Why did the new dad buy a Minivan? He needed a place for all the baby gear and his pride.
Why did the new dad start writing lullabies? He wanted to sing something other than ‘Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo.’
Why was the new dad so happy when the baby finally slept through the night? He finally got to catch up on Law and Order reruns.
Why did the new dad become a master of bribery? He knew he could get his toddler to do anything for a fruit snack.
Why did the new dad start referring to himself in the third person? HE HAD TO MAKE IT CLEAR WHO WAS IN CHARGE.
Why did the new dad get so excited when the baby started walking? He finally had someone to race to the fridge for a beer.
Why did the new dad celebrate Valentine’s Day early? He knew he wasn’t getting much sleep or romance with a new baby.
Why was the new dad a little jealous of the baby’s plush stuffed animals? They seemed to get more snuggles than he did.
Why did the new dad start buying ear plugs in bulk? He knew he’d need them for the teenage years.
Why did the new father carry a camera everywhere he went? To make sure he captured every moment of being a dad!
Why do new dads always seem to doze off during babies’ naps? They’re just following their lead!
What do you call a new father who’s also an artist? A Dad Vinci!
How does a new father keep his cool when his baby won’t stop crying? He puts on his dad face!
What’s a new father’s favorite way to work out? Pushing a stroller, of course!
Why did the new father quit his job as a baker? He kneaded more time with his new baby!
Why do new dads like to watch football with their babies? They love the idea of their little one being a quarterback!
Why did the new father get lost when he was driving the baby home from the hospital? He couldn’t keep his eyes off the rearview mirror!
What did the new father say when his baby started talking early? I guess I’m a proud poppy now!
What do you call a new dad who’s also a firefighter? A daddy-ladder!
Why did the new father get a tattoo of a pacifier on his arm? He just wanted to express his love for his little one!
Why do new dads always bring a diaper bag with them wherever they go? Because they don’t want to get caught with their pants down!
What’s a new father’s favorite type of music? Lullabies and Baby Shark!
Why did the new father change his name to Pops? Because it’s a dad joke to call him Daddy!
What did the new father say when he found out he was going to have twins? Double the love, double the fun, double the diapers, here we come!
Why do new dads like to whistle while they work? Because they’re trying to get their baby to dance!
What did the new father say when he heard his baby’s first word? I think I just heard my heart melt!
Why did the new father decide to start a blog? To share his parenting stories with the world and embarrass his kid a little!
Why do new dads always seem to end up covered in baby food? They’re just seasoning themselves for fatherhood!
What did the new father say when his wife asked him if he was ready for fatherhood? I’m as ready as a dad-be!
Why do new fathers always carry a camera around? So they can document every single diaper change.
What do you call a new father who canât change a diaper? A dirty dad.
Why did the new father throw his watch away? Because he wanted to live in the moment.
Why do new fathers never get enough sleep? Because theyâre âbaby-stchedâ to their newbornâs every move.
How do new fathers exercise? By holding their baby up and down like a mini barbell.
What did the new father do when he saw his baby take their first steps? He tripped and fell just like his baby.
Why did the new father put his baby on a diet? Because he didnât want them to be a light sleeper.
How does a new father initiate a tickle fight with his baby? He just needs to know when to stopâŠitâs when his baby starts to tap out.
Why do new fathers love to tell dad jokes? Because they think itâll help them connect to their babies âearly.
Why did the new father fall asleep during his childâs first recital? Because they played âRock-a-bye Babyâ.
How do you know when a new father is feeling exhausted? When he starts breastfeeding his newborn to sleep.
What do you call a new father who canât change a tire? A stay-at-home dad.
Why do new fathers always seem so proud of themselves? Because they think theyâre changing the world one diaper at a time.
Whatâs the difference between a new father and an experienced one? About nine months.
What do new fathers order for lunch? The âDaddy Specialâ: two sandwiches and a side of pacifiers.
Why do new fathers always seem to be in such a hurry? Because they canât wait to watch their babies grow up and leave the house.
How does a new father feel when his baby takes their first steps? Like heâs got front row seats to the biggest show on earth.
Why do new fathers love to take their babies to the park? Because theyâre never too young to learn how to swing.
What did the new father say when he was asked if he wanted a night out with the guys? âSorry, Iâve got a date with my baby tonightâ.
Why do new fathers love to read classic literature to their babies? Because they want to make sure their childrenâs first words are something literary.
Up to You!
In conclusion, dear new dads, you may be sleep-deprived, covered in baby food and constantly changing diapers, but fear not!
With these 50+ jokes about new fathers, you’ll have plenty of material to keep you laughing and keep your sanity intact.
And who knows, maybe one day your little bundle of joy will even join in on the laughter.
Parenthood may be tough, but laughter is the best remedy.
Keep calm, carry on and laugh your way through the journey of fatherhood!
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Hey there, I’m Simon, and I started Jokeslide.com to spread joy and laughter. As a 34-year-old who loves humor, I created this website to share funny jokes and mind-bending riddles in a family-friendly environment. Join me in this laughter-filled journey, connect with others, and experience the magic of humor together! đđ€