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50+ Jokes About New Dads

Hey you, new dad!

Congratulations on entering the world of sleepless nights, diaper changes, and endless baby talk.

Don’t worry, we’ve got your back with some hilarious jokes to help you survive the next few months (or years).

From puns to dad jokes, we’ve compiled 50+ laugh-out-loud one-liners that will make your new role as a father a little bit easier.

So sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh at the joys of fatherhood, because nothing is funnier than the reality of parenting.

Let’s dive in!

Jokes About New Dads

Why do new dads always look tired? Because they’re constantly on baby duty!


What did the new dad say when he saw his baby sleeping through the night for the first time? Holy diaper!


Why did the new dad wear a fireman’s hat to the hospital? Because he was about to become a dad-LIGHT!


What kind of music do new dads listen to? Dadrock!


Why did the new dad feel like a superhero? Because he changed a diaper in under 10 seconds!


What do new dads and Olympic athletes have in common? They both require a lot of dedication and late nights.


What did the new dad say when asked if he wanted a boy or girl? I just want a healthy, sleeping baby!


Why did the new dad start wearing cargo pants? To carry all his baby gear!


Why did the new dad get a tattoo of a pacifier? To show his commitment to fatherhood!


How did the new dad know that he was in charge of diaper duty? Because he could smell it!


Why did the new dad start doing push-ups every morning? To stay in shape for all the baby lifting!


Did you hear about the new dad who tried to change his baby’s diaper without a tutorial? It was a big stinkin’ mess!


What do you call a new dad with no experience? A diapernovice!


Why did the new dad put his phone on vibrate? He was afraid it would wake the baby!


What do new dads and helicopters have in common? They both hover over their children!


Why did the new dad start taking karate lessons? To defend his baby from sleepless nights!


What did the new dad say when he saw his child’s first steps? Wow, they grow up so fast!


Why did the new dad always need a cup of coffee? To keep his dad powers activated!


What do new dads and comedians have in common? They both use puns to make their kids laugh!


Why did the new dad always have baby wipes on hand? For any unexpected mess!


Why did the new dad feel like a plumber? Because he had a lot of diaper leaks to fix!


Why do new dads always look tired? Because they’re up all night waiting for the baby to fall asleep!


What is a new dad’s favorite drink? Dad-buccino!


What did the new dad say when his baby learned to crawl? That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for baby-kind!


Why did the new dad start talking to himself? He finally found someone who understood him!


Why did the new dad quit his job as a banker? He wanted to be a dad-unter!


What’s a new dad’s favorite dance move? The Daddy Dip!


What did the new dad say when he discovered he was going to have a boy? I’m going to be the king of the castle!


How does a new dad learn to soothe his baby? By rocking his dad-bod!


Why did the new dad get scared when his baby cried? Because he thought he was being interrogated!


What did the new dad say when he saw his baby for the first time? I can’t think of any other minute in my life that was as incredible as that minute.


What’s a new dad’s biggest challenge? Figuring out which bodily fluid to clean up first!


Why did the new dad become a photographer? Because he wanted to capture every moment of his baby’s life!


What did the new dad say when someone asked him what he was going to name his baby? I’m going to call him ‘Little Miracle’.


Why did the new dad start sleeping in the fetal position? It’s the only way he can fit in the bed with his baby’s crib!


How does a new dad calm his nerves during labor? By thinking about all the dad jokes he can tell his baby!


Why did the new dad start watching cooking shows? He wanted to learn how to make the perfect dad-burger!


What did the new dad say when his baby started teething? Looks like my little one is finally growing some teeth!


Why did the new dad start talking like a pirate? He wanted to be his baby’s captain!


How does a new dad feel about his messy house? It’s not clutter, it’s just organized chaos!


Why did the new dad bring a pillow to his baby’s first bath? To cushion the blow.


Did you hear about the new dad who changed his baby’s diaper and forgot to put a new one on? He was pamp-ered.


What do you call a new dad who tries to get his baby to sleep by singing opera? Lullaby-oh-no.


Why did the new dad cross the road with his baby? To get to the toddler side.


What do new dads and coffee have in common? They both keep you up all night.


Why did the new dad refuse to hold his newborn baby? He was stork-ed.


Why did the new dad take his baby to the zoo? To show off his little monkey.


What do new dads and doorknobs have in common? They both turn the handle.


How many new dads does it take to change a light bulb? None, they’re too busy changing diapers.


Why did the new dad put a diaper on his head? He wanted to be a baby-catcher.


What did the new dad say when his wife asked if he wanted to hold their newborn? I’m going to have to sleep on it.


Why did the new dad feel guilty about going on a fishing trip with his buddies? Because he left his minnow at home.


How did the new dad react when his baby started crying in the middle of the night? He was up-pooped.


Why did the new dad break up with his baby’s mother? He said she was too clingy.


What do new dads and pizza have in common? They’re both better when they’re delivered.


Why did the new dad hire a private investigator? To find out who stole his sleep.


What do you call a crabby new dad? A pop-sicle.


Why did the new dad put his baby’s pacifier in his own mouth? He wanted to check if it tasted like chicken.


What do new dads and peanut butter have in common? They both stick to the roof of your mouth.


Why did the new dad write a book about his baby’s first year? He wanted to be in the bib-liography.


Up to You!

Well, new dad, there you have it – 50+ jokes to keep you laughing through those long nights of diaper changes and 2am feedings.

From poop explosions to dad bods, from sleepless nights to toddler tantrums, these jokes cover it all.

Remember, laughter is the best medicine, especially when you’re knee-deep in dirty diapers.

So go ahead and share these jokes with your new dad friends – after all, misery loves company!

And congratulations on joining the ranks of sleep-deprived, baby-carrying, diaper-changing dads.

It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it!


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