Home » Jokes » Love » 50+ Jokes About Marriage

50+ Jokes About Marriage

Hey there, newlywed!

Congrats on finally tying the knot!

But let’s face it, marriage isn’t all roses and happily ever afters.

In fact, sometimes the best way to get through the tough times is with a good laugh.

That’s why we’ve compiled 50+ hilarious jokes about marriage that are sure to make you chuckle (and maybe even help you avoid a few arguments).

So grab your spouse and get ready to poke fun at the ups and downs of married life – trust us, you’ll feel better after a good laugh!

Jokes About Marriage

Marriage is like a deck of cards, you start off with two hearts and a diamond, but end up with a club and a spade.

Marriage is an institution where the woman loses her surname and the man loses his peace of mind.

Why did the married couple go to the restaurant? To spice things up!

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

Marriage is gambling, you put your money and your happiness on the line.

Marriage is like a warm bath, after a while it’s not so hot.

Love is blind, marriage is an eye-opener.

A good marriage is like a casserole, only if you know the right ingredients can you make it work.

Marriage is like a Chia Pet, it takes a lot of time and energy to make it grow.

Why did the chicken cross the road to get away from his wife?

Marriage is like a phone booth, it can be full of static or dead silence.

Marriage is like a deck of cards, sometimes you have to shuffle to make things work.

What’s the difference between a marriage proposal and a loan? The proposal is forever.

Marriage is like a pair of shoes, they need to fit well and complement each other.

Marriage is like a dance, you need to learn the steps and be in sync.

Why did the married couple go to the gym? To work on their relationshpits.

Marriage is like a marathon, it requires endurance and commitment.

Marriage is like a circus, sometimes you need to perform balancing acts to make it work.

A successful marriage is based on communication, understanding, and a good sense of humor.

Marriage is like a puzzle, sometimes the pieces fit perfectly, and other times they require some manipulation.

Why did the husband carry his phone in a purse? Because it was his wife’s!

I told my wife she was making me a better person. She replied, Thanks, I was just trying to marry up.

Why did the husband cross the road? To get to the other wife!

My wife just got a job as a judge. Now she’s really good at finding faults in our marriage!

What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his intelligence? A bachelor!

What do a tornado and a husband have in common? They both start with a lot of blowing and sucking, and end in someone losing their house!

Why isn’t marriage a word in the dictionary? Because it’s a sentence!

I told my wife to stop acting like a flamingo. She replied, What’s wrong with that? I said, Because it won’t help us save our marriage, it only makes things more awkward!

Why did the husband stop using emojis in his texts? Because his wife always took them the wrong way!

What’s the difference between a husband and a dog? The dog actually listens!

Why did the wife put a bell on her husband’s shoes? So she knows where he is at all times, and can avoid him!

What do you get when you cross a husband and a washing machine? A dishwasher!

My wife and I have an amazing relationship. She locks me in the bathroom and leaves me for hours to enjoy my own company!

Why did the husband bring a ladder to bed? So he could reach the high notes!

What’s the difference between an argument and a marriage? In an argument, you don’t have to spend the rest of your life together!

Why is marriage like a phone call? You always have to make the right connection!

What do you call a wife who runs off with the gardener? A plant thief!

Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with two hearts, and end up playing solitaire!

Why was the husband always lonely? Because he married his better half!

Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries, and another who never forgets them!

Why did the bride refuse to marry the groom she met at the zoo? He was already a cheetah-er!

Marriage is like a deck of cards…you start off with two hearts and a diamond…and by the end, you’re looking for a club to hit your spouse with.

I asked my wife what she wanted for our anniversary. She said, Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace. So, I got her nothing.

Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting a grown-up kid who can never get their act together.

Why did the bride refuse to marry the magician? She wanted someone who would be honest, and he was always pulling the rabbit-out-of-the-hat trick.

When you’re married, you’re always right…unless you’re arguing with your spouse.

Why did the groom refuse to marry the baker? He didn’t want to be kneaded into submission.

Marriage is like a marathon. You start off strong, but eventually, the only thing keeping you going is the hope of a cold drink at the finish line.

Why did the bride refuse to marry the farmer? He kept talking about getting down and dirty in the fields.

Marriage is like a game of chess. One wrong move, and you’ll never hear the end of it.

Why did the groom refuse to marry the dentist? He didn’t want to be stuck in a love triangle.

Marriage is like a comedy movie. You start off laughing, but eventually, you’ll be crying.

Why did the bride refuse to marry the musician? She didn’t want to marry someone who was always singing a different tune.

Marriage is like a buffet. You keep going back for more, even though you know you’ll regret it later.

Why did the groom refuse to marry the nurse? She kept telling him to take two aspirins and call her in the morning.

Marriage is like a rollercoaster. You’re never quite sure what’s coming next, but you’re strapped in for the ride.

Why did the bride refuse to marry the pilot? She didn’t want to be the co-captain of his love life.

Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get, but you’ll probably regret eating most of them.

Why did the groom refuse to marry the librarian? She kept trying to check him out.

Marriage is like a circus. There are clowns, animals, and a lot of people watching you make mistakes.

Up to You!

Congratulations, you made it through all 50+ jokes about marriage!

You’ve laughed, you’ve related, and you’ve probably shared a few of these with your significant other already.

Whether you’re married, engaged, or still searching for the one, let these jokes remind you to never take yourself or your relationship too seriously.

Remember to always find the humor in the ups and downs of marriage.

After all, if you can’t laugh together, what’s the point?

So go forth and share the love (and the laughs) with your partner – and may your marriage be filled with plenty more jokes to come!

Want to LOL More?

Here are other Love Jokes you’ll enjoy:

Leave a Comment