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50+ Jokes About Ivy League Schools

Hey you Ivy League wannabe!

Think you’re smarter than the rest of us?

Well, we’ve gathered 50+ jokes about your prestigious universities to remind you that even geniuses need a good laugh.

From Harvard to Yale, get ready to poke fun at your own expense.

So buckle up, put down that textbook, and get ready to LOL at these hilarious jokes about Ivy League schools.

Jokes About Ivy League Schools

Why did the Ivy Leaguer go to buy a map of Europe? So he could find his family estate in Bavaria.

How many Ivy League students does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they have others do it for them.

What’s an Ivy League student’s favourite kind of pizza? Extravagance.

A Harvard grad walks into a bar… and immediately starts networking.

Why was the Dartmouth student depressed? Because his dad wouldn’t buy him a Range Rover for his 21st birthday.

What’s the difference between Harvard and a pot of boiling water? You can actually get a job with boiling water.

Why did the Brown student fail his driving test? He couldn’t find a parking spot that met his standards.

Why did the Yale grad cross the road? To get to the country club on the other side.

If you’re dating someone from Yale, what do you call them on Valentine’s Day? Your inheritors.

Why do Columbia students always carry umbrellas? To protect their delicate intellects from the rain.

Why did the Princetonian get kicked out of his exclusive country club? They found out he went to public school.

What do you call a group of Ivy League students in a room? A privilege.

What did the Dartmouth student say when he couldn’t find his North Face jacket? I guess I’ll just have to settle for my Patagonia instead.

Why did the Brown student drop out after his first semester? He realised he could learn everything he needed to know on Twitter.

How do you irritate a Harvard grad? Say that’s nice, dear whenever they try to explain their thesis.

What’s the definition of an Ivy League student? Someone who pays $100,000 for a liberal arts education and still can’t spell.

Why did the Princeton alumna agree to marry the investment banker? She couldn’t resist the diamond ring and the family trust.

What do you call a Harvard grad who doesn’t get a job offer after graduation? A unicorn.

Why did the Yale student refuse to go to the library? He didn’t want to walk on the same ground as the plebeians.

What do you call an Ivy League fraternity party? A Brexit celebration.

Why was the Ivy League student afraid of the library? Because he heard the books were smarter than him!

How many Yale students does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just hire someone from Harvard to do it for them.

What do you call a group of Ivy League graduates in a bar? A circle of pretentious twits.

What’s the difference between a Harvard student and a pigeon? The pigeon can still make coherent thoughts.

Why did the Brown University student refuse to leave their dorm room? They didn’t want to accidentally run into someone less wealthy than them.

How many Princeton students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, but they’ll have four different internships on their resume so it’ll take forever.

What do you get when you cross a Columbia student with a squirrel? Someone who hoards knowledge and never shares it.

Why did the Dartmouth student wear a helmet to class? They were afraid a single thought might knock them out cold.

How do you know if someone went to Cornell? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you within the first five minutes.

What do you call a Harvard graduate on a raft in the ocean? Completely lost because they don’t know how to do anything without Google.

How many Princeton students does it take to catch a bus? As many as it takes to form a committee to decide if it’s worth their time.

What do you call a group of Ivy League students stranded on a deserted island? A microcosm of society where no one does any actual work but everyone is still extremely judgmental.

Why did the Brown University student cross the road? To prove they were avant-garde before it was cool.

How do you know if someone went to Yale? They’re more proud of their school’s PPE program than their own accomplishments.

What do you call a group of Harvard graduates? An ego-flecked banquet of self-congratulatory snobs.

How do you get a Yale student to stop talking? Ask them to name all the US presidents in order.

What do you call a Penn student with half a brain? A gifted scholar.

How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but he’ll do it ironically.

Why did the Dartmouth student go to the doctor? They thought they were having a stroke, but it turned out they were just thinking too hard.

What’s the difference between a Brown University student and a rock? The rock is more likely to accept that it doesn’t understand everything.

Up to You!

So there you have it, 50+ Ivy League jokes that will make any Harvard student blush, any Yale student chuckle, and any Princeton student merely raise an eyebrow.

Whether you’re an Ivy League grad, a college student, or just someone who enjoys a good laugh, these jokes are sure to entertain.

From Harvard’s elitism to Penn’s Wharton stereotypes, from Yale’s secret societies to Brown’s activism, we’ve covered it all.

So go ahead, share these jokes with your Ivy League friends and watch the hilarity ensue.

Just remember, if you didn’t get into an Ivy League school, there’s always community college.

Kidding!

(Or are we?)

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