Hey there, wives out there!
Are you done with your husband’s constant snoring or the way he leaves the toilet seat up?
Well, don’t worry because we have something that will make you laugh and forget about all his flaws – 50+ jokes about husbands!
Are you ready to poke some fun at your other half?
Let’s dive into this hilarious collection and show your hubby who’s boss!
Table of Contents
Jokes About Husbands
Why did the husband cross the road? To get to the doghouse on the other side.
How many husbands does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just stand there and say, That’s not how my dad did it.
What do you call a man who doesn’t do the dishes? Single.
Why did the husband get a tattoo of a $100 bill on his back? So his wife would stop asking him for money.
What do you get when you cross a husband and a joke? Nagging.
Why don’t husbands ever complain about their messy desks? Because they’re too busy complaining about their messy wives.
How can you tell if a man is married? He’s always checking his watch and mumbling, My wife’s gonna kill me.
Why do husbands always take the remote control to bed with them? Because they know their wives won’t bother them.
What’s the difference between a husband and a garbage can? Not much. They both get filled up quickly and are a pain to drag to the curb.
Why did the husband go to a bookstore? To buy a book on how to listen to his wife.
What do you call a man who does the dishes? A boyfriend.
Why did the husband buy his wife a watch for their anniversary? So she could tell him what time dinner was.
Why do husbands think they’re the boss of the house? Because the wives let them think that.
What do you call a man who’s lost 95% of his intelligence overnight? A husband.
Why do husbands refuse to ask for directions? Because they’re afraid their wives will say, I told you so.
How many husbands does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They just sit around and watch sports instead.
Why did the husband get a tattoo of his wife’s name on his arm? So he wouldn’t forget who he’s supposed to be listening to.
Why do wives always cheat on their husbands with the pool boy? Because they know their husbands will never make a move on the pool boy.
How can you tell if a man is cheating on his wife? He stops complaining about her and starts complaining about his golf game.
Why do husbands always forget important dates like birthdays and anniversaries? Because they’re too busy memorizing sports stats.
Why did the husband cross the road? To get away from his wife’s nagging!
What’s the difference between a husband and a dog? One wears a collar and the other barks orders.
Why is a husband like a video game console? Both need to be turned on before they’ll work.
What do you call a man who cooks for his wife? A unicorn.
What’s the definition of a perfect husband? A man who doesn’t exist.
Why do husbands always fall asleep after sex? They’re recharging their batteries for the next round.
What’s the best way to get your husband to do something? Pretend you don’t want him to do it.
Why do husbands make the best drivers? Because they’re always in charge of the GPS.
Why did the husband put a bell on his wife? So he could hear her coming and avoid her.
What do you call a man who has lost almost all his intelligence? A husband.
Why did the husband take up cooking? So he could burn off some calories while proving to his wife that he’s a good husband.
What’s the difference between a husband and a remote control? You can turn the remote off when you’re done using it.
How many husbands does it take to change a light bulb? None – they wait for their wife to do it.
Why are husbands like parking spots? All the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.
What’s the difference between a husband and a couch? The couch doesn’t snore or complain when you sit on it.
Why did the husband go to a shrink? To get some advice on how to deal with his nagging wife.
What do you call a husband who can cook, clean, and take care of the kids? A unicorn (again).
Why do wives treat their husbands like dogs? Because they’re easier to train.
What’s the most expensive thing in a husband’s wardrobe? His excuses.
Why do husbands make terrible spies? They always tell their wives everything.
Why did the husband cross the road? To get away from his wife’s nagging.
Why did the husband bring a ladder to bed? He wanted to raise his expectations.
What do you call a husband who does the dishes? In a dream world.
Why did the husband put a hole in his wallet? So that money could come and go easily.
Why did the husband hide under the bed? He was afraid of a discussion with his wife.
Why did the husband think the dishwasher was magic? He didn’t know how it worked, but it made his wife happy.
What is a husband’s favorite type of music? Whatever his wife tells him to listen to.
Why did the husband take a sleeping pill before bed? To avoid listening to his wife’s complaints.
Why did the husband put on a superhero cape on his wedding day? He thought he could save his wife from her own expectations.
What do you call a husband who listens to his wife? A myth.
Why did the husband go on a business trip? To get some peace and quiet.
Why did the husband promise to do the laundry? He was trying to make up for something he couldn’t remember.
Why did the husband hire a detective? To find out what his wife really wanted for her birthday.
Why did the husband buy his wife a vacuum cleaner? He thought it was a romantic gesture.
What is a husband’s biggest fear? A wife’s to-do list.
Why did the husband eat his own words? He couldn’t afford to buy his wife dinner.
Why did the husband decide to paint the whole house? He thought it would make his wife happy.
What do you get when you cross a husband with a vacuum cleaner? A husband dust collector.
Why did the husband join a gym? To impress his wife’s friends.
Why did the husband make his own breakfast in bed? He had heard that’s what wives like.
Up to You!
So there you have it, 50+ hilarious jokes about husbands that will surely make you crack up (or maybe just roll your eyes).
Whether you’re married, single, or somewhere in between, these jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face.
Just remember, even though your husband drives you crazy at times, he’s still the most important person in your life.
So go ahead, share these jokes with him and have a good laugh together.
After all, laughter is the best medicine, especially when it comes to dealing with husbands!
Want to LOL More?
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- 50+ Kid Tells Dad Jokes About School
- 50+ Jokes About Young Adults
- 50+ Jokes About Children
- 50+ Jokes About Father In Law
- 50+ Jokes About Husbands
- 50+ Jokes About Moms
Hey there, I’m Simon, and I started Jokeslide.com to spread joy and laughter. As a 34-year-old who loves humor, I created this website to share funny jokes and mind-bending riddles in a family-friendly environment. Join me in this laughter-filled journey, connect with others, and experience the magic of humor together! 😄🤝