Hey there, fellow hockey fan!
Are you ready to laugh your hockey skates off?
Because we’ve got 50+ hilarious jokes about our favorite sport that will leave you checking your sides for bruises.
Whether you’re a die-hard Gretzky supporter or just enjoy watching the fights, these puns, one-liners, and gags are guaranteed to make your next intermission fly by.
So grab your stick, strap on your helmet, and get ready to score some serious laughs with these 50+ jokes about hockey!
Table of Contents
Jokes About Hockey
Why did the hockey player go to the bank? To get his goalie’s!
Why do hockey players always wear numbers? Because math is hard.
What did the goalie say to the net? Sorry, I can’t go to dinner with you, I’m already in a committed relationship with this post.
How do hockey players stay cool during a game? They stand by the fans.
Why did the hockey player wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hat-trick!
Why did the hockey player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Why don’t hockey players drink tea? Because they always ice it.
What do you call a team of hockey-playing dwarfs? The Mighty Mites.
What do you call a hockey player that works at an ice cream parlor? A penalty scoop.
Why did the hockey player cross the road? To get to the other ice.
How do hockey players keep their hair in place? With hat-trick spray.
Why do hockey players always do well in school? Because they’re used to getting high scores.
What do you call a hockey player who only drinks beer? A brew-goon.
What do you call a group of hockey players that lose a game? A face-off.
Why do hockey players hate going to the dentist? Because they always get their teeth knocked out.
Why don’t aliens play hockey? They think the ice planet is too cold.
How do you know when a hockey player has a high IQ? His stick is always up.
What’s a hockey player’s favorite car? A Zamboni.
Why did the hockey puck dress up as a ghost? It wanted to be a goal-ina.
Why don’t hockey players use cell phones? They prefer icing-topped turnovers, not apple ones.
Why did the puck go to the library? Because it wanted to get checked out!
Why are hockey rinks always so cold? Because of all the fans!
What do hockey players drink after a game? Penalty shots!
Why did the hockey player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score!
Why did the hockey player wear a tuxedo on the ice? He wanted to impress the penalty box!
What’s a hockey player’s favorite kind of pizza? One with lots of goals!
Why did the hockey player bring a whistle to the game? So he could drop the puck!
Why do hockey players always wear helmets? Because they’re afraid of getting brain freeze from all the ice!
How did the hockey player feel after he got a hat trick? He was on top of the world!
Why don’t hockey players ever get cold? Because they have lots of body checks!
Why did the hockey player go to the bank? To get his goalie!
Why did the hockey player bring a ladder to the game? He wanted to climb the scoreboard!
What did the puck say to the net? I’m glad I scored with you!
Why did the hockey player bring a camera to the game? He wanted to shoot!
Why did the hockey player wear a giant clock on his chest? He wanted to keep time!
What do you call a hockey player who doesn’t shower? A stinky winger!
Why did the hockey player wear a tie to the game? He was looking for a face-off!
What’s a hockey player’s favorite drink? Slapshot espresso!
What do you call a hockey player who can’t skate? A line change!
Why did the hockey player bring a calculator to the game? So he could calculate his goals-per-game average!
Why do ice hockey players never trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
How did the Canadians invent the Zamboni? They wanted to find a way to keep their beer cold during the game!
Why did the hockey player take his chicken to the game? Because he heard the referee was going to call fowl shots.
What do you call a hockey player with a fever? Hot Ice!
Why did the hockey player wear two pairs of pants to the game? Because his coach said he needed to be double jointed.
How do you know if a hockey player is allergic to anything? You check if he breaks out in ICE-cream.
Why did the hockey player want to join the band? He heard they got to play the Blues.
Why did the hockey player take his diet seriously? He didn’t want to make penalties from too many protein shakes.
Why did the hockey player become a banker? Because he wanted to check-ings and savings!
How do you find out if a hockey player is telling the truth? You check if his story checks out.
What did the hockey player say when he found out his team lost the game? We’re ice cold!
Why did the hockey player quit his job as a gardener? He couldn’t stand the Leafs.
Why did the hockey player get a job at a bank? He heard they offered penalty-free checking.
Why did the hockey player become a sculptor? He wanted to make some serious ice sculptures.
What did the hockey player say when he found his skate blade was broken? I’m skating on thin blades.
How do you know if a hockey player is the one committing all the fouls? Because he always fesses up to them.
Why did the hockey player get fired from his job as a construction worker? He kept breaking the ice.
Why did the hockey player think he was a genius athlete? He was always coming up with new ways to puck things up.
Why did the hockey player start learning magic? He wanted to be able to trick shot.
Why did the hockey player start watching the stock market? He wanted to learn how to short-sell the other team’s performance.
Up to You!
Alright, you’ve made it through all 50+ hockey jokes!
(Proud of you, eh?) From the chirping to the one-liners, you’ve got a whole new arsenal of hockey humor in your stash.
So next time you’re watching your favourite team, be prepared to deliver some knee-slappers.
Now go ahead, share your favourite joke with your friends and let the laughter commence!
Remember, there’s nothing quite like a good ol’ hockey joke to make the rink a little bit brighter.
Keep your sticks on the ice and keep laughing, friends!
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Hey there, I’m Simon, and I started Jokeslide.com to spread joy and laughter. As a 34-year-old who loves humor, I created this website to share funny jokes and mind-bending riddles in a family-friendly environment. Join me in this laughter-filled journey, connect with others, and experience the magic of humor together! 😄🤝