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50+ Jokes About History

Hey, you!

Feeling a little too serious about history?

Need to lighten up and have a laugh?

Well, you’ve come to the right place!

We’ve got a list of 50+ jokes that will have you giggling as you dive into the past.

From Ancient Rome to the Wild West, these jokes will have you chuckling all the way from the Stone Age to the present.

So buckle up and get ready to laugh your way through history!

Jokes About History

Why did the Roman Empire fall? Because they were all Julius-Seized up.

Why did William the Conqueror cross the English Channel? To get to the other side.

Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping? Because he couldn’t lie in his bed.

Why was Louis XVI always hungry? Because he ate his cake and had no bread.

Why did the Renaissance painters hate fruit? Because they couldn’t get a good pear image.

Why did the Mongolian Empire have such a high population? Because they kept Khanning babies.

Why did the British Empire never have a sunburn? Because they had a good deal of colonies.

Why did Joan of Arc quit her job at the Meat Market? She couldn’t steer beef to the French Revolution.

Why did the colonists dump tea in the harbor? They wanted to have a Boston Tea Party.

Why did pirates love studying history? They always had to learn the ropes.

Why was King Arthur’s army so bad at math? They couldn’t round table the corners.

Why did the Stone Age collapse? Because they were stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Why was Cleopatra such a great radio DJ? She had the most famous asp-ect on the airwaves.

Why couldn’t Galileo keep a steady job? He was always stargazing.

Why did Alexander the Great refuse to wear socks? Because he wanted to conquer Greece with his bare feet.

Why did Napoleon always carry a ruler? He wanted to measure up to everyone.

Why couldn’t Christopher Columbus get any sleep? He was always too busy discovering new things.

Why didn’t Egyptians like to yell? They were worried they’d wake the Pharaohs.

Why did the North and South Pole break up? Because they were too far apart.

Why did Medieval knights always wear armor? They wanted to be knighted in shining armor.

Why did Julius Caesar buy ink and paper? Because he wanted to Roman ticize-ize.

Why did Cleopatra fall off her throne? Because she was really Pharaoh-gone.

What do you call someone who wants to overthrow the king? A jester-in-waiting.

Why did the Egyptian pharaoh build so many pyramids? He wanted to be tomb-est.

What happened when Alexander the Great went to a sushi restaurant? He conquered the raw fish.

Why was King Arthur’s horse so unhappy? Because it was Sirloin.

Why did the pilgrims sail to America in the Mayflower? They didn’t want to wait until June-Flower.

Why did Blackbeard always carry a towel with him on his ship? To have a matey to wipe his beard on.

How did Joan of Arc get to the battlefield? In her Armored Peugeot.

Why isn’t the calendar allowed to play poker? Because it has too many dates.

Why don’t historians tell jokes anymore? They’ve been consigned to the past and are no longer current events.

Why did the Romans wear togas? So they could have an excuse for not wearing pants.

Why did the ancient Greeks put their children in brass jars? They wanted to raise them as trophies.

Why did the dinosaur go extinct? Because they forgot to brush their teeth.

Why did Napoleon always carry a map with him? Because he didn’t want to get lost in his own empire.

How did the Vikings save money on haircuts? They only cut their hair in half and shared it with their family members.

Why did the Stone Age people dread winter? Because they didn’t want to be caught with their mammoths down.

Why did the pilgrims’ pants keep falling down? Because their belt buckles were on their hats.

Why did people in medieval times take baths in the morning? So they could start the day smelling fresh and clean.

Why did Robin Hood always wear green clothing? He didn’t want to be seen as a little John.

Why did Cleopatra refuse to eat sushi? Because she didn’t want to ruin her diet of Pharaoh rolls.

What did Julius Caesar say when he saw an octopus? Et tu, Octopussy?

What did the ancient Greeks use to write their books? Tablets, of course.

How did Napoleon divide up Italy? With a pizza cutter.

Why did the caveman break up with his girlfriend? She just didn’t understand him, he said.

What did King Arthur say when he realized he left the sword in the stone? Oops, guess I’ll have to start over.

Why did Christopher Columbus think he discovered India? Because he was terrible with maps.

What did the Roman historian say when he saw a UFO? It’s just a flying saucer, nothing to write home about.

How did the Ancient Egyptians make their tea? With Pharaoh leaves.

What was Boudicca’s favorite movie? Gladiator, of course.

Why did Henry VIII have so many wives? He was afraid he’d lose his head if he didn’t have a spare.

What did Joan of Arc say to the English soldiers when they captured her? I’ll be back.

Why did the Vikings have to wear horned helmets? So they could hold their beer.

What did George Washington say when he crossed the Delaware River? This is cold enough to freeze a patriot’s nose off.

Why did the Aztecs build pyramids? To show off their architecture skills.

What did Marie Antoinette say when she saw the guillotine? I guess I’ll have to watch my head.

Why did the Trojan Horse break up with its girlfriend? Because she had trust issues.

How did the Chinese get their start in silk making? They stumbled upon a worm that had a really long thread.

What did Galileo Galilei say when he found out he was being put under house arrest? At least I’m not stuck in a tower.

Why did Julius Caesar cross the Rubicon? To get to the other side.

Up to You!

Well, congratulations!

You’ve made it to the end of 50+ hilarious history jokes!

You’ve probably learned some new facts, had some good laughs, and hopefully, you won’t look at history the same way again!

Who says history has to be dull and dry?

With these jokes, you can impress your friends and family with your wit, cleverness, and knowledge.

So, next time you’re at a party or gathering, don’t be afraid to whip out one of these history jokes and watch as everyone laughs and groans in equal measure.

Remember, history may be in the past, but these jokes are timeless!

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