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50+ Jokes About Drinking

Hey you!

Are you a lover of all things alcohol-related?

Do you enjoy laughing until your sides hurt?

Well, have we got a treat for you!

In this post, we’ve compiled 50+ hilarious jokes about drinking that are guaranteed to make you spit out your drink.

From witty one-liners to classic bar jokes, these quips are the perfect addition to any boozy gathering.

So grab a cold one and get ready to let loose – it’s time to get your laugh on!

Jokes About Drinking

I used to think drinking was bad for me, but then I switched to a cup with a straw.

Alcoholics don’t run in my family, they stumble around.

I like my whiskey like I like my math problems – neat.

Why did the beer go to space? To get hammered!

I told my wife I was going to stop drinking. She laughed and said, ‘yeah right, like that’s ever going to happen.’

Alcohol may not solve your problems, but neither will milk.

I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis.

Why did the wine take so long to mature? Because it was grape-ful for the time alone.

I went to a wine tasting and found out I’m a merlot enthusiast. I thought the label said ‘mermaid’ enthusiast.

If you’re not sure what to drink, just keep it simple and have a rum and coke… or three.

Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged by a latte.

Drinking may not be the answer, but it sure makes me forget the question.

I asked my bartender for a double entendre. He gave me one.

Why did the beer cry? It got tapped out.

I don’t always black out, but when I do, I never remember it.

Why did the Irishman march into the Guinness factory? He heard his drink calling his name.

I don’t drink to forget my problems. I just drink to create new problems that are more fun.

Why did the Englishman order his drink warm? Because his tea habit was rubbing off on him.

Drink till you’re a poet, dance till you’re a hobo. Love till you’re a rose, and smile till you’re Joey Tribbiani.

Why was the wine feeling bitter? It had a tannin-pity party.

I never drink water because fish make love in it.

I stopped drinking for good, now I only drink for evil.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a connoisseur of fine spirits.

I drank so much last night, I woke up this morning wearing a lampshade.

Wine a little, laugh a lot!

What’s the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50, but deer nuts are just under a buck!

Alcohol doesn’t solve your problems, but neither does milk.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a staying sober problem.

I only drink on two occasions, when it’s my birthday and when it’s not.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.

I like my water with barley and hops.

I tried to pour root beer into a square glass. Now I just have beer.

I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis.

I’m like a toy gun, if you give me any alcohol I just start firing shots.

I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a drinking solution: pouring another drink.

A friend of mine asked me if I wanted a frozen margarita, I said no thanks, I prefer my margaritas on the rocks, not in the blender.

Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it got mugged!

I don’t drink anymore, but when I did, I was a classic.

I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by the atmosphere.

Why did the grape stop drinking wine? Because it was tired of being crushed!

I never realized how much life alcohol added until I tried living without it.

Why did the beer go to college? To get brewed some knowledge!

I was going to give up drinking, but then I thought…who am I kidding?

Why did the whiskey go to the gym? To get malted!

I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics go to meetings. I’m just a drunk!

Why did the bartender win the marathon? He knew how to pace his drinks!

I’m Irish. I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a sober problem.

Why did the wine refuse to be poured? It couldn’t find its glass act.

I’m not a heavy drinker. I’m just a light-headed one!

Why was the beer afraid of the vacuum cleaner? It was afraid it would get sucked back into the keg!

I used to drink my sorrows away, now my sorrows just say cheers!

Why did the vodka go to the opera? It wanted to be a refined spirit!

What’s the difference between a drinker and an alcoholic? About five drinks!

Why was the wine unhappy? It had a terrible bouquet!

They say beer is the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.

Why did the tequila go to the dentist? Because it needed a shot!

I never trust a bartender who has to look at their own notes.

Why did the gin and the tonic break up? They just didn’t mix well.

I drink because beer is cheaper than therapy.

Up to You!

Congratulations, you’ve made it to the end of the list of 50+ jokes about drinking!

We hope you haven’t laughed so much that you spilled your drink all over your keyboard.

Remember, always drink responsibly and never drink and drive.

Let these jokes be a reminder that laughter truly is the best medicine, especially when it comes with a shot of tequila.

So go ahead and share these jokes with your friends over happy hour or during a game night.

Cheers to a good time and even better laughs!

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