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50+ Jokes About Being 80 Years Old

Hey you, yes you!

You might be turning a little gray, but that doesn’t mean you can’t laugh a little more!

In fact, we’ve got 50+ rollicking rib-ticklers about life at the ripe old age of 80.

Get ready to roll with laughter as we poke fun at everything from creaky bones to forgetfulness.

So set down your bifocals and get ready to cackle – these jokes about being 80 are sure to light up your golden years!

Jokes About Being 80 Years Old

I’m not old, I’m just chronologically gifted.

You know you’re old when your back goes out more than you do.

I don’t have grey hair, I have wisdom highlights.

I may be old, but I can still play hard. I just sit down a lot more now.

I remember when the Dead Sea was just sick.

I’ve finally reached the age where my mind makes promises my body can’t keep.

I’m not over the hill, I’m just approaching the parking lot.

Age is just a number, but it’s a number that starts with an ‘8’ now.

I’m so old that I remember when the letter ‘S’ was just ‘$’.

I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic.

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

I’m so old that my memory is like a flip phone, you have to press a few buttons to get to where you want to be.

I’m so old that I remember when the only buttons on a remote were Channel Up, Channel Down, and Power.

I’m not elderly, I’m just seasoned.

I don’t have wrinkles, I have laugh lines.

I’m so old, I remember when Social Security was called ‘Retirement Funds’.

I’m not old, I’m just getting better at napping.

I’m not old, I’m just experiencing life in Buffet Time.

I’m so old that I remember when DVD’s were an expensive new technology.

I’m not old, I’m just a classic model that never goes out of style.

Why did the 80-year-old refuse to use the internet? Because it was too ‘world-wide-web’ for his liking.

What do you get when you cross an 80-year-old with a trampoline? A hilarious case of life alert bouncing.

Why don’t 80-year-olds believe in modern medicine? Because they’ve been practicing witchcraft for years!

What’s the best way to celebrate an 80th birthday? By taking a nap and complaining about your back pain!

Why don’t octogenarians trust banks? Because they’ve seen too many financial crises!

Why did the 80-year-old cross the road? To get to the other side before her bus pass expired!

Why did the octogenarian refuse to eat fast food? Because he couldn’t taste the high fructose corn syrup over his dentures!

What do you call an 80-year-old on Facebook? The original troll!

Why do 80-year-olds have trouble playing video games? Because they’re still using an old joystick!

Why are centenarians always in such great shape? Because they’ve been practicing their walker-assisted laps for decades!

What’s the best thing about being 80 years old? The ability to give advice nobody wants to hear!

Why did the octogenarian decide to learn how to use a smartphone? So she could send emojis of wrinkle cream!

Why don’t 80-year-olds use Tinder? Because a ‘Netflix and chill’ date is just a good time to watch a movie and nap!

What do you call an 80-year-old comedian? A social security recipient!

Why did the octogenarian refuse to fly on a commercial airline? Because he didn’t want to miss ‘Matlock’ on TV!

Why did the 80-year-old decide to start smoking again? To finally get some peace and quiet from the grandkids!

Why don’t octogenarians like going to the gym? Because they can’t do any of the cool hip hop dance moves!

What do you get when you cross an 80-year-old with a pack of Mentos mints? An instant case of heartburn!

Why don’t octogenarians believe in climate change? Because it’s always been cold in January!

What’s the difference between an 80-year-old and a bottle of ketchup? Nothing, they both need a good shake before they can get moving!

Why did the 80-year-old cross the road? He can’t remember why he needs to get to the other side!

What does an 80-year-old use for social media? A landline!

Why did the 80-year-old start knitting? To add some excitement to his life!

What do 80-year-olds do after a nice walk? They take a nap!

What’s 80-year-old’s favorite song? Anything from the 1950s, because that’s when they were young!

Why did the 80-year-old get a hearing aid? So they could turn it off when people get too boring!

What does an 80-year-old do on a Saturday night? They stay in and watch reruns of Lawrence Welk!

What does an 80-year-old do when they forget where they left their keys? They just buy new locks!

What did the 80-year-old say when they heard about social distancing? I’ve been doing that for years!

Why did the 80-year-old start using a cane? To fend off all the young whippersnappers!

What does an 80-year-old look forward to in the morning? A nice, long nap in the afternoon!

Why did the 80-year-old spend all day watching the grass grow? It’s more exciting than watching paint dry!

What does an 80-year-old order at a restaurant? The senior’s meal, of course!

Why did the 80-year-old get a colonoscopy? To prove that they still have some adventure left in them!

What does an 80-year-old do when they’re bored? They sit and reminisce about the good old days!

Why did the 80-year-old start bird watching? To pass the time before their afternoon nap!

What does an 80-year-old talk about when they meet up with their old friends? The aches and pains they’re feeling!

Why did the 80-year-old start playing bridge? To prove they still have the mental fortitude of a 20-year-old!

What does an 80-year-old watch on TV? Anything with the word classic in the title!

Why did the 80-year-old take up gardening? To have an excuse to get outside and enjoy the fresh air!

Up to You!

So, there you have it, my dear 80-year-old friend!

50+ jokes about the joys and quirks that come with aging gracefully.

From the wrinkles to the aches and pains, you truly are a walking punchline machine!

But don’t worry, because even though you may be getting up there in age, you can still find the humor and joy in life.

After all, laughter is the best medicine – just don’t laugh too hard or you might break a hip!

With these jokes by your side, you’re sure to be the life of the retirement party.

Keep laughing, keep living, and keep being the amazing person you are!

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