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50+ Jokes About Being 35 Years Old

Hey there, 35-year-olds!

Are you feeling the weight of your age creeping up on you?

It’s time to snap out of it and laugh it off with our collection of 50+ hilarious jokes about being exactly 35.

Whether you’re reminiscing about your youth or dreading the onset of middle age, these jokes will have you rolling on the floor with laughter.

So sit back, relax, and let’s embrace the ups and downs of being a 35-year-old with a good sense of humor.

Let’s dive in!

Jokes About Being 35 Years Old

At 35, you start feeling like a prized antique. You begin to appreciate the importance of comfort over style.

At 35, the candles on your birthday cake have started a small fire.

You’re still young enough to make mistakes, but old enough to know better – you just can’t keep it straight.

You realize that despite all other efforts, ‘dad jokes’ finally match your level of humor.

When you turn 35, you start to think back to your youth and realize how much you want your energy back.

When the cashier IDs you for buying alcohol, you can’t help but feel a sense of pride.

Turning 35 is like being stuck in the middle – you’re too old for the club, and too young for early-bird specials.

You no longer have the stamina for an all-nighter, but can still tackle a good half-nighter like a champ.

You know you’re getting older when your hangovers now last two days longer than your wild nights out.

When someone calls you ma’am or sir, you realize there is no way to look cool when you turn around and respond.

Turning 35 is like watching a slow-motion replay of your unstoppable march towards middle age.

You start to understand why your parents were always talking about saving for retirement.

Thirty-five is when you finally have enough life experience to make significantly poorer decisions.

You start to realize that the ‘easy to make’ meals on the box of Kraft Mac and Cheese really do take that long to prepare.

You know you’re finally an adult when you buy a weekend house cleaner instead of treating yourself to a wild weekend out.

The music you listened to when you were young is now used in commercials for insurance and prescription drugs designed to treat high blood pressure.

35 is when Netflix and Chill actually means you watch stuff on Netflix and just chill, with nothing else.

You no longer remember the lyrics to any modern songs, and you’re okay with it.

35 is when you realize that all the cool stuff you used to care about has been reduced to history.

At 35, you finally get to feel like a legal adult.

I just turned 35 and now my age is starting to look like a football score.

You know you’re 35 when your hangovers last two days.

At 35, you start to feel like you’ve finally got life’s instructions down.

Life begins at 35, right? So when is it going to start then? I’m 35 and still waiting for puberty to kick in.

At 35, you realize you can’t keep blaming your parents for your problems.

At 35, you start to wonder if you’ll ever be able to afford a decent car.

When you’re 35, you’re too young to be a senior citizen, but too old to be cool.

At 35, you can finally afford to buy the good toilet paper.

You know you’re 35 when you start to consider regular exercise a form of rebellion.

At 35, you begin to feel like you’ve missed the boat on a lot of things.

When you’re 35, you’re not old, but you’re not getting any younger either.

At 35, you start to think that your metabolism is a myth.

You know you’re 35 when “Netflix and Chill” means actually watching the movie and taking a nap.

At 35, you start to prefer going to bed early than staying out late.

When you’re 35, you know you’re always in a good mood because your favorite song is playing in the elevator.

At 35, you’re still young enough to have fun but old enough to know better.

When you’re 35, you start to wonder if you’re ever going to actually use the languages you learned in high school.

At 35, you start to feel like you’re running out of time for your mid-life crisis.

At 35, you realize that your body starts making noises that can rival a symphony orchestra.

At 35, your first gray hair appears, and you start wondering if you’ll ever be able to rock that silver fox look.

At 35, you realize that your old clothes are now vintage, and unfortunately, still not worth a lot of money.

At 35, your idea of a wild night out is staying up past 9 PM.

At 35, your metabolism slows down, and you start gaining weight just by looking at carbs.

At 35, you start investing in expensive skincare products to look like you’re still in your 20s.

At 35, you try to keep up with the latest technology, but end up feeling like a dinosaur with each new release.

At 35, you realize that calling someone “middle-aged” was not an insult when you were younger.

At 35, you start checking your cholesterol level and feeling proud when it’s under 200.

At 35, you feel like you got an A in life if you remember to pay all of your bills on time.

At 35, you realize that your parents were right — money doesn’t grow on trees.

At 35, you regret not taking better care of your back in your 20s, because now it’s constantly sore.

At 35, you trade in your collection of shot glasses for a collection of coffee mugs.

At 35, you realize that all of the songs you grew up with are now considered oldies.

At 35, you start to understand the true value of a good night’s sleep, and you cherish it more than anything else.

At 35, your social media feeds start to be taken over by baby pictures, wedding announcements, and real estate listings.

At 35, you realize you can’t dance as hard as you used to in clubs so you opt for salsa classes.

At 35, your idea of an exciting vacation involves taking a trip to Home Depot to start some DIY renovations on your house.

At 35, you finally accept that you can’t have the metabolism of a 20-year-old forever.

At 35, you start to gravitate towards dad jokes and puns and find them more amusing than anyone else does.

Up to You!

So there you have it, you 35-year-old jokester!

You’ve now got 50+ new one-liners to impress your friends with at your next birthday party.

Embrace your age, and remember, getting older doesn’t have to be a total drag.

From forgetting where you parked your car to groaning when you get out of bed in the morning, there’s plenty to laugh about when you’re 35.

So keep on cracking those jokes, because when it comes to aging, laughter really is the best medicine.

Cheers to another year of being young at heart…

but maybe not in the knees.

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